Hitting the Pause Button

22 Sunday Mar 2026

Posted by Pat in Connecting the Dots, DOWNSIZING, Making progress, SIMPLIFYING, Transformation

Tags

#Downsizing #Transitions, #Pause, #Reset, #SILVERSHERPA, life, Lists

The Work of Decluttering

I don’t know anyone who would disagree that decluttering is a LOT of work. It doesn’t matter if you are simply decluttering to weed out the no-longer-important things, to make room for new things, you just need a change, or you’ve got that Swedish Death Cleaning thing going on where you think you have an obligation to make life even easier for your kids someday so you’re going to stop living your own life right now. (You can probably guess I’m not a fan of that last bit.)

And, of course, if you are planning a downsize post-decluttering or even mid-decluttering/packing, you are doing a different kind of decluttering anyway. It’s physical when you move and lift boxes or whatever; it’s mental when you have to think of what to do and in what order, and then to gather relevant information like who will take donations or who can come help; it’s administrative in that you have to organize your house and your life to move around and still find things in the midst of clearing and rearranging your life; and it’s emotional when you start remembering the boy that wrote those cute letters, or the old home videos you can’t watch because you no longer have the equipment anyway, or you look at the empty scrapbook and the boxes of pictures you haven’t gotten around to yet. And so on and on and on.

All-In… for a Month or So

I am an all-in kind of woman. Once I decide to do something (or go somewhere, or change something), I’m gung ho! I started with the “easy” stuff, like business books I no longer need to refer to and other books that have served their purpose for me and now are available to help someone else. I have packed up and donated about 8 boxes to the local library, the Habitat for Humanity ReStore, and my neighborhood Little Free Library. I then attacked the kitchen cupboards and packed up Christmas dishes I no longer use that take up space, and large serving bowls and extra pots and pans and mugs and glassware. Off to ReStore with another 7-8 boxes. DAV was coming around, so after the kitchen, out went several bags and a few boxes of towels, sheets, curtains and other linens, along with some decor.

A Staging Area – NOT YET

I wanted a staging area for the big job that was coming – the Christmas decorations in the attic. The focus was on a guest room, affectionately called my Diva Den, where it looks like I exercise but I don’t really, and where I sew and do crafts, but I haven’t in a long time. There is a small closet that has been collecting things. I figured if I could clear out that closet, the room would be a good staging place. Well! Let me tell you what an efficiency expert I must be!! I pulled things out of that closet like 2 dozen clowns exiting a VW Bug. My stash for craft projects, “good” boxes, wrapping paper (?) and bows and ribbons, a 4 shelf-bookcase with 2 shelves of more books, plus some exercise gadgets. And those spongy floor tile things for working out. An ironing board and iron. A small, unassembled glass-topped tripod table. A few blankets and one of those old Snuggi wrap things that were popular 20 years ago. And three old cushions from a couch I no longer have that I used for a mattress on a cot when the grandkids came for Christmas 3 years ago. And four boxes of pictures, newspaper clippings, and old cards I had received.

At that point, I hit a wall. Not literally, but yes, there were times I felt like it. I was completely overwhelmed. I cleared a small space and sat down on the floor and started browsing the pictures. I traveled back in time to when I had a career. When my babies were indeed babies. When I was married. When I lived in New Mexico, or Minnesota, or South Dakota. An hour later, in tears, I had managed to get through one box. Nothing left it. It was closed up just like I had found it. My back was not happy I had been sitting like that, and I could have sat in my massage chair for a 15-minute cycle but the chair was covered with other stuff. I shut the door and didn’t go back in that room for two weeks.

Instead, I packed a suitcase and went to Florida for a week for a sibling get-together. Although us four sisters were together twice last year, adding in my brother and the brothers-in-law hadn’t happened for quite a few years. I got repeated messages about how cathartic it was to move – my brother has moved twice in the past five years or so, and so the natural slimming down of possessions had occurred “naturally” for him. He admitted there were things he wished he had kept, but overall, he was happy with the new trimmer lifestyle.

Try, try, try again

Once home, I went to the Diva Den to start up again. Didn’t happen! I walked in and then out of that room a few times before I had collected enough energy to do the job. Two trash bags of things went out. One box is ready for donation. Another donation box has been started but blankets need to be washed first. And those couch cushions? Only one fit in the trash bin, so each week for the past three weeks, one has been stowed away at a time, and they are now all gone. The photo boxes are intact but in another place for now, with other memorabilia. I’m not sure what will happen to them yet. You know, once I started up again, it only took me about 45 minutes to decide what stays and what goes, and for what goes, to where it goes, and then pitch or put away. That two-week pause was what I needed to recharge.

Doing these things solo is not for the faint of heart. My friends are not in any better shape than I am to crawl into the attic, which is under the eaves, accessed through a pony door in my clothes closet. Upon recommendation of my Silver Sherpa, I have hired a young man, high school age, to come and do some heavy lifting for me and to drag out ALL the Christmas decor. There must be two dozen boxes and tubs of various sizes. I ordered new see-through tubs of a consistent size, small enough for me to eventually carry and lift but big enough to help me consolidate some things. I also ordered large colored sticky notes so I can list the contents on each tub. I also got tape, newspaper sheets for packing fragile things, and bubble wrap for things like my collection of tree topper finials, which I already know are NOT leaving my possession any time soon. But I may never decorate trees with styrofoam balls covered with pheasant pin feathers, or if I move, have room for wooden snowmen and nutcrackers. And I probably don’t knee three Christmas trees either! Or old outdoor lights that heat up and only work for a few minutes at a time.

The Dance – three steps forward and one step back

A funny thing happened on the way to collect all the packing aids. I usually keep what I have on hand in a closet in my laundry room. I had already done a once-over on the laundry room a couple of months ago. But seeing my brother’s fresh new spaces also gave me some fresh perspective. So yesterday, I took some colored storage boxes I came across when straightening up my garage and reorganized my laundry room again. This time I didn’t need to make any major decisions; I just needed to hide things in now labeled boxes. The result is a more streamlined set of boxes on shelves over my washer and dryer, instead of rows of dozens of bottles of detergent, dog bath items, dog grooming items, extension cords and timers, refrigerator water filters, tools, and a few small kitchen appliances, like an electric knife and the vacuum sealer and the meat grinder, and several mason jars. Wouldn’t you know it? Under the kitchen sink also got basket treatment, and it looks so much more manageable!

But here’s the funny part. I was up and down the footstool for over an hour, reaching and lifting and repositioning. The bedroom closet would have to wait, as I needed another break. But I also had used up my pretty boxes, so off to the thrift store I went. I found exactly what I was looking for to organize scarves, purses, pajamas, etc. And I also found five books on home design for $1 each, and one book on Portugal (for when I need a real break). And a new springy tablecloth and a nice valance for my kitchen window, and a spare set of curtains for $1.99 in case the valance didn’t work (oops – more decluttering in my future, for sure!). And three baskets plus a file stacker thing for organizing my office. And a set of drawer pulls for the dresser in my foyer (and someone will probably suggest now that I should immediately dispose of the old drawer pulls….which I know, but this is a process). Do I have a thrifting sickness? It’s like a magnet the way those items call to me. I may need an innoculation if I ever get to the point where I think I’m done.

Anyway, the desk is partly organized already, the drawer pulls are installed, and the new boxes are in my closet, at least ready to be put to use. It’s funny to me how one thing leads to another, not necessarily the way you planned.

Lessons Learned to Date

Here’s what I’ve learned (or remembered) lately:

My reason for doing this is primarily to simplify my life (dusting, cleaning, protecting, etc.), and secondarily, to reduce the visual clutter (organizing, finding, mellowing, refreshing). If I happen to pull together a deal on a different house and move, that will be made easier by having already started the in-house process, so the next-house move can be a smooth one.
Progress over perfection. Three steps forward and one step backward is still forward movement. So I have away 8 boxes of books… when I bought 6 books, I had room for them. And I still love to read and to buy books; I’m not giving up my joy, just refining it here and there.
The changes I am making are for me, not the next owner of my house, or for my kids to someday deal with when I go to The Next Place. Home maintenance is needed regardless of who lives here. Paint color is my choice as long as I am the one buying paint or lifting the paint brush. And sometimes bulk deals are good deals (like toilet paper at Costco), so don’t expect instant personality changes. I won’t be living like a miser any time soon.
It’s helpful to have a plan and a list of things to do, but it’s also important to take care of yourself. If I’m physically tired, I take a break, which might mean ice cream or a massage or a walk on the trails or sipping iced tea on the deck. If I’m mentally tired, the break might be longer, like watching a movie or driving to Florida for a week with family. My creativity is sparked by being refreshed, and that might happen by visiting someone else’s house or a museum or Home Goods or a thrift store, or browning a magazine or watching HGTV or looking pictures of former homes I’ve lived in.
It’s satisfying to spend time looking through old photos, reading notes from your kids or grandkids or nieces and nephews, or your mom, remembering why your name was in the newspaper, flipping through that magazine your article was published in, finding a banner from a memorable trip you took 35 years ago. I am retired now, but I got the warm fuzzies reading notes from former colleagues and remembering I had a great career. I don’t live near my family now but it was heartening to look at drawings from my grandkids or nieces and nephews proclaiming I was the best grandma or aunt when they were little and to think I may have influenced them positively. That’s why I kept these things in the first place, to help me remember, especially when I am caught up in the routine or drama of daily living.
What works for me is what works for me; it might not be what works for anyone else. But this is MY life. And I get to choose. That’s empowering. I get to define what brings me joy. In the midst of all this decluttering and shifting around, I took in a foster dog last week. She was a 7-month old puppy (read: more work). I already have three of my own dogs. But when I get feeling like I can’t do this, like I’m on the verge, when I am tired, it’s healthy for me to let my cup runneth over in the best way, by helping someone else. It keeps me focused on my purpose in life, which I’ve decided is to learn how to love better, both by giving and receiving. So I loved on this abused pup, and I let her cling to me for a few days. I shared my lap with my own dogs, also all three rescues. And I was happy to do it. It levels the playing field for me, and the heaviness is lifted. My friends think I’m a little crazy, but I’m blessed to know what I need and to find it.
I didn’t expect this decluttering thing to be so introspective. I am revisiting WHO I am now and who I was; WHAT my goals are; WHY these things were important enough to keep or to let go of now; WHERE is the most attention needed now and next; WHEN is a reasonable time to do this and how flexible am I with this so I can still live the rest of my life now; HOW can I do it good enough and am I willing to ask for help if I need it? This is a good way to weave a golden thread through the years, something the career Me used to do regularly, but which I have largely abandoned since I retired. Not too much caught up in the past but acknowledging my personal history and appreciating the life I have now, while preparing for the rest of my life.

That Was Easy!

I think my Pause button should be more prominent, not hidden away under layers of shoulds and duties and lists. When I was working and still kept a Day Planner, I used to write NO in yellow highlighter in time blocks each week. I could override it if I wanted to, but I was reminded that I needed time for me, for reading, for Yoga, whatever. I don’t do that anymore, but I’m going to start scheduling time for me again. Turn off the ringer on the phone. Stock up on ice cream and Oreo cookies and iced tea. Pull a few books from my To Be Read pile and make them more ready to be picked up. I have one of those old red Easy buttons from Staples from back in the day. I think I’m also going to put it on my kitchen counter, and when I pass by I’m going to hit it to remind myself that life can be easy (easier) if I let it.

My Move Book, and other tips

01 Sunday Mar 2026

Posted by Pat in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

#Downsizing #Transitions, life, Lists, Monica's Closet, moving

Do you remember Monica’s closet, on the tv show Friends? The one she kept locked, and Chandler wasn’t allowed to see what was in it? And then one day when she wasn’t home, he came across the key and opened it. It was full (FULL) of stuff. Stacked, tossed, shmushed in, shoved into every nook and cranny full. The neat freak Monica was found out to have a flaw after all, and it was hiding her clutter in the closet instead of dealing with it. I happened to find such a closet in my own house just today. Not realizing the extent of my stuffing ability, I thought I could get it emptied out in a couple of hours, and then I would have a staging area for bringing into the daylight all the Christmas boxes (the 3 dozen +) boxes in the eaves storage attic that need to be dealt with.

It turns out I am quite the efficiency expert extraordinaire!! It was like all the clowns exiting the little car. I kept taking things out, and there was always more in there. It was a plain old bedroom closet. Nothing fancy. Not walk-in. Jusat two shelves above the hanging clothes rod. But I managed to put a plastic 4-shelf unit on one end. Two of those shelves were full of books – the coffee table type, really too large for a standard bookcase. There was also a quilt from the days when my babies (who are now all in their 40’s) were little ones, a Snuggy thing my husband gave me as a gift once, a shower curtain, and a plastic tablecloth. There was a banker’s box that was full of other empty boxes. A Wii (remember those?). A DVD player and a VHS player, neither of which work, plus all the attendant cords and cables. A calligraphy set. A brand new box of colored pencils and three coloring books for grown ups. Two empty egg cartons, and a Styrofoam meat tray (likely used for some craft projects or sorting crafting supplies). And that was just the shelf thing. There were also three cushions from a couch I no longer have, that I think I used as a mattress on a cot once when my kids and grandkids came to visit a few years ago. Four Styrofoam insulation panels. A bag of plastic bags. A bag of unopened tissue paper (4 packages). A bag of reusable bags. A bag of gift bags. A bag of Christmas bows and ribbons and gift tags. A bag of fluffy cotton trim I used on some camper curtains, and some other curtains I made for the camper a few years ago that have since been replaced. And that’s not all. I could go on, but why subject myself to more humiliation? Ugh.

Oh yes, and there was a box of old love letters, letters from my parents, letters and cards from my kids, birthday cards from my sisters and girlfriends, pictures and more pictures and more pictures (remember when you could get double prints for free?). All the above stuff is still spread all over that bedroom, but I just closed the door and walked out. Except for the letters, cards, and photos, though – you know I spent HOURS going through every single one. Every. Single. One. I eventually sorted some of them out, and then I shredded the envelopes and most of the letters. My kids do not need to know every little thing about my life. But what I do want them to smile over, like the drawings my granddaughters did for me, or the Mother’s Day messages my boys gave me, or the newspapers articles about some of the boys’ golf meets or basketball games or awards I got or my daughter’s acting playbills, well, those are back in the box to be discovered again some day.

This day sort of violated one of the “rules” of decluttering, which is to avoid the handling and reminiscing and remembering of each and every card and photo while in the midst of a large-scale Keep/Donate/Sell/Trash project. How do I know it’s a rule? Because I have created a Move Book. Not just my made-up rules, but also advice and other resources I have collected from the many moves I have made over the years. As an adult, I think I have moved 13 times. The home I am in now is the longest I have had the same address in my entire life, so the natural purging that can happen every 5-8 years or so hasn’t happened for me in soon-to-be-13-years. I start a new book each time, but the lists and notes get reviewed each time and some get carried over.

This Move Book is just a spiral notebook that is the one place I keep my notes and scraps of paper with names or phone numbers on them, my lists of things to do and things done, and envelopes with paint chips or photos, and a calendar. Yes, a picture would help, but again, I’m struggling with this. My phone updated two nights ago, and now I’ve had to search for photos and not all of them want to upload gracefully. Sorry about that.

Anyway, here is what I have in my Move Book for my possible (not yet under contract, not even for sale yet) upcoming move:

RULES AND TIPS: My own made-up guidance about things that worked or didn’t work so well last time. Like don’t handle anything more than once. Deal with it the first time. See other tips below.
MOVING COST ESTIMATES, including websites like moving.com as well as local movers. I have a “key” of how many miles I will be moving, how many bedrooms I am moving, whether I am doing the packing or they are, supplies needed, labor, etc. Some sites will help you estimate how many boxes you ‘ll need. For example, based on the square footage of the place you are moving from, using an average from their customers, one person moving from a 3-bedroom home will require 45 medium sized boxes, 31 large boxes, and 11 extra-large boxes, 14# of packing paper, 3 rolls of tape, 2 tape dispensers, and 2 markers. You may also need blankets or bubble wrap, mattress bags, a dolly, and specialty boxes for artwork or mirrors. These boxes, plus furniture, will likely require a 26’ box rental truck (if you’re doing it yourself). If you want to hire professional movers to fit and secure everything in the truck, you pay by the hour per person. Once I have all this information, I can then compare U-Haul, Penske, and other truck rental places to see what it might cost me.
- TIP: Large and Extra Large boxes may not be as useful as you think. They get HEAVY when packed. So someone else (not me) would need to lift and/or carry them. Small boxes are better. Unless you are packing pillows or lamps or large spaghetti pots and bread machines, etc.
- TIP: Color code the boxes, one color per room. When unloading, put a matching piece of colored paper on the door jamb of the room those boxes go in.
- TIP: Keep an inventory of what’s in each box, on the box. It does little good to have 30 boxes, coded green, that only say Garage on them. When you get to the new house, and the kitchen table or the bed needs to be assembled, you don’t want to start the hunt for the right tools that used to be in the garage when you packed everything up. Ask me how I know (or actually, how my husband learned this the hard way). Much better to go to the 15 boxes that are marked Red for Kitchen and find the very one with the coffee pot in it. And on that note, keep some filters and the coffee grounds in the same box. If you don’t have a FIRST box – the first box to be unpacked (should have basic tools and a coffee pot/ filters/coffee and mug, along with a first aid kit in it), think hard about why you don’t.
TIMELINE/CALENDAR: Starting 8 weeks out, then 7 weeks out, 6 weeks, and going all the way to the day before, then moving day, and the first month after the move. This includes things like reserving the truck, sending the mail forwarding notice to the post office, getting vet records, changing locks, updating driver’s license, etc. If you don’t know the actual moving date, as I don’t yet, use the timeline as a to-do list. Some things can’t be done until almost the last minute, but this way you won’t forget crucial things.
STORAGE UNITS: In the event you need to move in chunks because of decluttering, selling, staging the current house, leaving room in new place for painters, etc. This is a list of local places, what the rates are for what size unit, and the like. An alternative is the use of PODS, those storage containers that are dropped off in your driveway, you fill it up, they come get it, store it, and deliver it later. These costs will be handy in the next section.
BUDGET: For getting current place ready to sell (curb appeal needed? repairs? deep cleaning?), for selling costs and net proceeds expected, for costs of purchasing new place, moving expenses, and then personalizing the new place, which might include items on the home inspection list as well as the cost of new shower curtains, paint, new keys, etc. Along with this, calculator sites help me figure out what my payments would be at various price points, interest rates, down payment options, and the like. This way I can shop for the best deal when the time comes.
PRO/CON List for moving: For those days when you have second thoughts or things just aren’t going your way, it’s handy to have a reminder list. This also includes an ALTERNATIVES column. For example, instead of moving to a new house, or if the house isn’t ready for some reason, can you move into an RV for a while? Is house exchange an option? Can you couch surf? Is a vacation in order? What about a rent-back option?
SUPPORT: Not every friend is the right one to lean on for everything. So a list of who is a helper and has offered, who is best when you need a lunch date or a movie distraction, who knows somebody who can do something, is useful. A friend 1,000 miles away can’t pack up the kitchen but she can be on speaker phone while you are doing the work. This list also has websites that I can go to for some bolstering. It might be a humor site, or Kindred Downsizers, or Thoughtful Transitions.
BIG TO DO LIST, and little To Do Lists. The BIG list has projects to sell the current home, such as cleaning the chandelier in the stairwell, replacing the malfunctioning doorbell, or repairing the missing grout in the kitchen tile. The little list has things like Change Auto-ship on dog food delivery when the time comes.
WISH LIST: This has the new ideal house list, made up before I even knew about the house I’m hoping for, and affirmed in the Downsizing Program class I’m going to. My ideal house has 1600-1800 sq ft, 2-3 bedrooms, a yard for the dogs, preferably a 2-car garage (one side for car, one for workshop or storage), either sunrise or sunset views, single level (no stairs), access to medical care, proximity to shopping (groceries, gas, etc) and restaurants, reasonable HOA rules and dues. It helps keep me on track. Even though I know the actual house I want, if that doesn’t come to fruition, I won’t be wandering lost in the wilderness, starting over from scratch, tempted by houses that are outside the scope of my Wish List.
COMPS: I know what’s been selling in my neighborhood, which is where I hope to stay. But I also look at Zillow every now and then and see what’s available – both as a seller and as a buyer. This also includes what a neighbor just paid for a new roof, or what someone else paid to have her house painted, or who did the appraisal, and where the new countertops were purchased from and at what cost.
RESOURCES: Next to the Comps is a list of vendors neighbors have used recently. The flooring guy, the landscaper, the roofer, the plumber, etc. Even the high school guy(s) who are willing to help do heavy lifting for an afternoon or two. Where that great couch was purchased.
NOTES: Who I talked to and when, and maybe what about. A mortgage banker. A realtor. A neighbor. The seller.
QUESTIONS TO ASK: Basic questions about big ticket items at the new place, like age of roof or HVAC are first on the list. What might bloom in the yard, and when. A home inspection will help me identify many of these.
FLOOR PLAN: I happen to have my prospect in my sights. She has agreed to let me measure her house and draw up a floor plan so I can gauge what might fit, or not. This also includes possible color schemes and other home design ideas.
MOOD BOARD: This isn’t really a mood board; it’s Pat’s Possibilities. It’s a mishmash of Pinterest photos, magazine cut-outs, and paint chips, to aid my creativity and give me a break from the drudgery of cleaning out closets that lead you to tears and feelings of despair that it’s all going to be for naught. When my mood is upbeat, I play with color schemes or like when I was a little girl and played paper dolls, I cut out sample sofas and chairs. When my mood is fading and I’m feeling overwhelmed, I can remind myself of what this work could lead to. Maybe I won’t really have the pool in the back yard but I can still have pretty flowers around a fountain. When the gas bill comes in more than 50% higher than last month, I can look at my dream pages and imagine a lower gas bill because I’ll be in only half the house.
DECLUTTERED List. This is a running list of the things I have boxed up and donated or sent with a friend to sell. And what I’ve thrown out (1 cushion gone, 2 to go). It might be useful for income taxes next year, but for now, it’s my progress report. The earlier list I shared, my 40 things in 40 days days (or 37 things in 37 days, whatever it was), is there, with check marks or strike-throughs to indicate it’s done.
INVENTORY: This was referred to in an earlier post. This is a list of what I own, and as I dispose of it, I can cross it off. It will help me figure out what is left to deal with when it comes time to actually move.
GET ORGANIZED List: This was also referred to in an earlier post. It’s a great motivator when I need it, as it helps me prioritize what I need to get done. It’s not structured so that one thing follows another; it’s more fluid than that. It all needs to be done at some point, and for now, I can pick and choose what to do, and when. When I get an official contract and the clock really starts ticking, then I will be able to see at a glance what’s left on the list, or if this deal stalls, then I can decide if I want or need to keep plugging along and what my next steps will be. And I’ll be in a much better position to take appropriate action.

So that’s how I am staying organized – at least on paper. The bedroom upstairs isn’t quite so well appointed, but I got a start, so that’s what matters. My combination Pinterest/Excel/Notebook/Envelope system is a bit of a jumble but it’s all in one place and easy to spot on my desk or wherever I’ve laid it down. And now I’m going to take a quick mini-vacation for a sibling reunion, sans dogs and Move Book. Just me and the open road, for a full week of recharging.

Until I get back, feel free to share your tips for making the downsizing journey or the actual move go easier. I’d like to add your tips to my plans.

Confirming and Affirming My Decision to Move

23 Monday Feb 2026

Posted by Pat in Uncategorized

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Tags

#Downsizing #Transitions, life

You know what it’s like to finally FINALLY have a chance to catch your breath? Where there’s not a single appointment on your calendar and absolutely nothing you have to do, even on your mental To Do list? That gap in the day where you almost hate to take a nap because you’d be wasting free time?? Me either! I’m not there yet, but I do think I’m getting closer. And that’s my goal – to have those days, maybe even once a week. To slow down a bit, to simplify my life, not just declutter it and keep things clean. Not even to be one of those Ladies Who Lunch. Just to pick and choose what to do today, guilt-free. Last week was not that week.

Let’s Have a Meeting

Meetings get a bad rap in the workplace, but they can definitely serve a purpose, especially if you have a plan. I started the week with a visit to my would-be home seller to try and formalize our agreement that I would buy her house when she eventually moves to be nearer to her family. You see, in order to buy her house, I have to sell mine. In order to sell mine, I have to get it listed on the local real estate market. In order to list my house, I have to get it not just decluttered-so-my-kids-don’t-have-to-someday but decluttered-and-depersonalized-and-sparking-clean-ready-for-a-photo-shoot. In order to get my house ready for prospective buyers, I have to get a few little things fixed up, such as repairing the door frames where a dog has clawed or chewed a piece; such as the light bulbs all being the same “temperature” so when they’re turned on the house looks warm and charming, not like a strobe light on its way to burning out; such as repainting the outdoor light fixture over the garage door that has bugged me for a year; such as adjusting the cabinet door that is loose, etc. You get it, right? The timeline is too loosey-goosey, and without a target date, I was feeling too much in free fall. What if she decided to not sell, or at least not now? What if she decided to list it and go for the highest bidder? What if she wants me to be ready to write a very big check?

Luckily, the big stuff at my current house is all in order, like the roof was reshingled last year, the water heater was replaced about 3-1/2 years ago, the heat pump was replaced about 5 years ago, the garage door opener was replaced about 2 years ago. In that sense, I have a pretty good idea of what things cost, if they have to be replaced at the next place. But it’s those little details that will consume time and could be easily overlooked if I was rushed to get ready. Yet, I don’t want to be ready for 6 or 10 months, if you know what I mean.

Getting the Ball Rolling

So we had a meeting. She had a friend there to advocate and look out for her interests. I also had a friend who could be an extra set of eyes to scope out things I might have overlooked. It was productive and very amicable. The end result was we agreed that she may want to get her attorney involved but won’t get a realtor involved (read: commi$$ion), although I will likely have a buyer’s agent. To get this ball rolling, she will contact a reputable real estate appraiser to guide her in setting an asking price, which we have not discussed at all yet. Once she has a decision made, then the ball drops into my court to make an offer. I can then decide if I want to have a home inspection done now or make an offer contingent upon a home inspection. This I could use as a basis to make a counteroffer, or depending on her ask, to determine what things I might want or need to be addressed (termite inspection? water spigots or outlets or light fixtures don’t work? wobbly railing tightened up? etc.). She still does not have a definite date in mind yet for her move but she did find an assisted living facility she wants to move to; she’s on a waiting list for an apartment to open up. We agreed that I will not list my house until she confirms her move date. She, too, needs time to declutter and pack up. So I won’t end up houseless. She is also willing to give me access (for a fee) for a month or so after she leaves and before I move in so that I can have carpet replaced or walls painted, and things like that. All in all, I went away feeling very good about our meeting.

Checking out the Competition

An Open House

As it happened, I had gone to an open house for a place for sale just up the street from this house the day before our meeting. I am doing research on comparable houses, for both money and floor plan. The house I want is a 2-bedroom; this open house was a 3-bedroom. The floor plan didn’t grab me, and I was glad to hear there was already an offer submitted. But I did meet a woman there who bought a house with an identical floor plan to my future house, and she was willing to give me a peek at what she has done. That really affirmed my vision for what I could do to customize “my” house. I was extremely satisfied that my choice is the right one for me.

A day or so later, I learned from a neighbor that a house four doors down from my own current house was going on the market. Again, main-floor living, which is what I want. But I want to downsize and simplify, not just find a place with a primary bedroom suite on the first floor. I think. If it’s the right deal …. right?!? Another day goes by and a For Sale sign goes up. Lo and behold, so did another house two streets over. I decided my realtor is going to earn his buyer’s agent commission!

Same Street House

The first house, the one right on my own street, looks good from my driveway. But the goodness ended there. The closer I got to the front door, the less appealing it was to me. Stonework was failing, and the mortar was missing or sitting on top of some of the stones on the facade. The stair railing had a bit of give. The floors inside had several soft spots, and if I had had a marble, I am sure it would have rolled around on some uneven floors. Trim work was missing around the attic access panel, windows had failing insulation strips, and the carpet was stained. There was a ramp in the garage, and the railing seemed to barely capable of staying upright. The house was also quite dated, which is not a deal breaker for me because I would probably want to put my own touches on it anyway, but the formica counters had scratches and slice marks, and the vinyl flooring was cut and curled here and there. Golly gee! I was thankful that my “other” house was not in this condition. Confirmation ratcheted up a notch. On to the second house.

2 Streets Away

This house had a bit of an incline in the driveway, so my first thought was, “I would never be able to back my camper in here,” followed by, “I wonder if my old car (a 2008 Sebring sits low) could clear this grade?” Then it had four or five steps to the front door, which I also would be happy to not have. Inside, though, this house was a keeper! Freshly painted, carpet replaced in the past year or two, kitchen updates, and a charming back yard off the sunroom. The layout was something that would have appealed to me greatly years ago. The thing was, it would be a lateral move, meaning I would just be swapping square footage for a different layout so my bedroom wouldn’t be upstairs. I don’t need or want three bedroom and three bathrooms. I don’t want or need a bonus room over the garage. I don’t want or need the price tag either. If this house had been available when I moved here 13 years ago, I would have scooped it right up, but not today. The seller’s realtor said she had back-to-back showings all day, and I was happy to hear it.

I drove away thankful not only that I have first dibs on the other house, but quite grateful that my choice was again affirmed. Sure, I have had my doubts from time to time whether I can really go from a 4 bedroom to a 2 bedroom, or that I can give up my rather large backyard for a much smaller one with no deck, or that I will be okay with a single tiny linen closet instead of the three I have now, or that I will not mourn the loss of my perfect big desk and bookcases in my soon-to-be-non-existent-office. But in the end, I keep coming back to the other house, the coziness, the welcoming vibe, the openness, the chance to start anew.

Doing The Work to Get Ready

I got to that place by doing “the work,” as it’s called, to mentally prepare for the downsize event. I completed the worksheets given out at the Downsizing Event program The Memorie Group has sponsored. The first one started with Embracing the Mindset of Change and Assessing The Current Living Situation, went on to Finding the Perfect Home, and Planning the Move Strategically. I also completed a Clarity Audit from an Uplevel Your Life program I participated in about 10 years ago. The first question I answered was “If you could wave a realistic magic wand, where would you like to be 12 months from now?” And then the same question for 2 years out. This audit went on to ask me about things I “tolerate” about my life, things I put up with, that bug me, that I don’t do anything about even if I could. I made lists of things I want to do more of on a daily/weekly/monthly/yearly basis. And then I wrote out what my Ideal Average Day would be like, and what my Ideal home/community looks like. I had a fairly good idea by the time I went to see these houses of what I was looking for and could tell pretty quickly what wasn’t there.

The Mental Leap has been Achieved

My confidence keeps growing that this is the right thing for me to do, and it’s also the right time and right place. If it turns out that I can’t make the deal I want for my preferred new home, I am still making changes in my current house that will sustain me for a while. I will assume that there is an even better place being made ready for me. In the meantime, I can fix the things that I tolerate, I can paint the walls if I want, I can buy new furniture, I can dream up new goals. I’m pretty good at carrying out plans once I get them written down. This whole downsizing experience, while still in the early stages, has resulted in some great fringe benefits already. I acknowledge more the life I have and the way I live it. I appreciate the feelings of certainty and generosity I get when I can drop off another box of books or dishes or decor at a place someone else can enjoy them. I experience excitement and anticipation just from looking at beautiful pictures of possibilities for the next chapter I’m entering.

The Move Book is Coming Next

I’ve started a Move Book, where I keep all my notes related to .. yes .. this upcoming move. Next time I’ll tell you about it. If you’re tiring of not being to put your hands on a post-it note or scrap of notebook or back of an envelope where you’ve jotted down a number or name or idea, maybe you’ll appreciate another way to consolidate these things. Til then, happy planning and decluttering!

Progress Report, and it’s exciting!

16 Monday Feb 2026

Posted by Pat in Uncategorized

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Tags

#Downsizing #Transitions, #SILVERSHERPA, family, life, mental-health, moving

Most of us have been dealing with a lot of winter lately, and here in Virginia, the ice and snow have lingered. It feels like a Groundhog Day moment back to 2020, the year of Covid quarantines. However, not everything is negative. Like during Covid, I enjoyed movies, fireplaces, good books, and homemade soup. I also did some housecleaning and decluttering. Here’s what I’ve accomplished in the past two weeks.

Books.

I donated another box of books to the Friends of the Library, bringing my total to 6 boxes with around 20-30 books each. It may seem like a lot, but I have 7 bookcases. Even after this donation, I still have only one empty shelf. However, I did incorporate 2 large tubs of Native American pottery my brother gave me and rearranged some items to balance the look. I’m keeping one shelf completely empty to motivate myself. Most of the books I’ve donated are non-fiction professional development titles from my career. What I still have includes old photo albums, oracle and tarot cards, journals, travel books, and reference materials. My goal isn’t to get rid of all my books, just to refine my collection.

Kitchen things.

I went through what I call my Tupperware cabinet, although there really isn’t any Tupperware in it. It’s a huge assortment of plastic storage containers. I got rid of anything with that melted look from the microwaving you’re not supposed to do anyway, or the ones stained from red pasta sauce, and the ones without lids or where the warped lid and warped bowl no longer work together. I kept the glass containers (better environmentally as well), and since I don’t do much cooking anymore, I let go of many that I won’t have use for. Really – does one woman who doesn’t cook need 3 dozen 1-2 cup containers?? I also donated my Pampered Chef mandolin that tried to eat one of my fingers and has not been used since the very first time, and a set of cute 1-cup bowls that were still in the box. I liked them so much, and they were on sale back in the day, so I had bought 2 boxes of 10 (yikes! what was I thinking??), and the second box has just been gathering dust. And no surprise, I had a cabinet section dedicated to coffee mugs, but no more. I kept the ones that fit on the hanging rack on the side of the cabinet, and the rest went in the donation box. I still have quite a few, but really don’t need the one from the insurance agent or the conference I went to or the one that was left from a matched pair that was too heavy for everyday use; they are pretty as pencil holders but when it’s heavy before you fit it with hot liquid, and my hands suffer from a little trigger finger, I decided to be reasonable. I let go of almost a dozen of those.

Glass decor.

I have (had) a lot of my pretties, as I call them, displayed here and there, including on my bookcase shelves. I refined the collection of amber glassware in particular. I started a fascination for amber swung vases a few years ago, but that led to other types of amber glassware – candy dishes, plates, bowls, vases, nightlights, etc. I decided to keep the swung vases, one plate, and two candy dish-type pieces, and the rest can go. A few seasonal items like a pumpkin shaped cookie jar, a Christmas themed covered jar, and the like went in the donation box, too. I hosted Bunco for the neighborhood women last week. My hostess gift to them was a donation table set up in the living room. Everyone was encouraged to take something – anything they wanted – and almost everyone did. What’s left is now ready to be boxed up, no more deciding to be done.

Estate Planning.

So I’ve been making my lists and checking twice. The next thing up was to get the “adulting” done. I met with an attorney, had a new Will drafted, created a Trust, and for fun, a Power of Attorney and Advanced Medical Directive. When you live solo, as I do, it’s easy to put things off. I put them off for over 10 years, since my husband died. I kept telling myself there was time to attend to that business, but never got around to it. Until now. Last week I signed my new estate planning documents. My kids were supportive and helpful and willing to do whatever I wanted them to in terms of serving as executor or attorney-in-fact, and such. Fortunately, they are all doing well and have stable families of their own, so I didn’t need to go down Morbid Avenue and select guardians for them, nor fuss that one was going to need more than another, or worry about being equal v. being fair. This fit my downsizing plan in the sense that I was downsizing my worrying load. Plus, it had the added benefit of opening the sometimes awkward conversations about mortality and possessions and life in general. It’s not a cheap endeavor, and I had to invest a few short-term dollars for long-term peace of mind, but I am so relieved to have that done.

The Downsizing Program element.

I used Richard Campbell, a local attorney I met through the Downsizing Event sponsored by The Memorie Group. From introduction to draft to final signing, was less than a month. All my questions were answered, but it’s a lot to digest, so I was very grateful to get summaries of what to do – for me as well as my someday executor/trustee/attorney-in-fact. And bonus: he’s young enough that he should still be around whenever I kick that proverbial bucket so he can help my kids execute my plans. The Downsizing program has introduced me to many valuable resources for making my life easier, even if I wasn’t planning to move. The somewhat structured plan walking me through the various elements of making a significant life change has been very beneficial. It’s not a list of things to do in order; it has offered me a way to think and process these changes, as well as pointing out the options I have, and then guiding me toward progress, not just completion. The decisions are all mine, as is the timeline, but when you are staring at the abyss, it’s reassuring to be able to lay all the puzzle pieces on the table and see the big picture through my own eyes.

My Future Home.

And then some exciting tidbits of news came my way about the house I have been interested in. The owner has taken her first couple of steps toward making this happen. She went to visit family, found a possible future home for herself, and has started to divest herself of at least one of her collections. Another neighbor put their home for sale, and I went to that open house yesterday. Luckily for me, the house already has an offer pending, so no chaos ensued to distract me from my tentative plans, but here’s the thing. I got talking with another visitor at the open house turned out to be the new next-door neighbor to the open house house, and has the very floor plan in her house that is the same as the house I’m interested. I ended up getting a tour of her house,too, and my enthusiasm was elevated a notch or three! She has done great things, and I could see the potential that I envisioned come to life. Not only that, but this new owner has a daughter who lives in our neighborhood and who may be interested in my house!! Wouldn’t that be something?!? The owner/mother said her daughter has been walking the neighborhood and expressed a desire to live on my street but definitely wants a bigger house since she now has a baby (maybe a second child, not sure) and two dogs (so fenced yard). Mom is going to talk to daughter about my house. And I may have made a new friend in the process. On the street I would maybe be moving to. The stars are aligning, and I couldn’t be happier about this turn of events.

I can see it from here!

It’s energizing to not only see the flywheel start to move, but to actually feel that I’m gaining momentum. All the drudge work of touching each and every one of my things, from books to extra spatulas and plastic containers, to decorative vases and bowls, to clothes I don’t wear any more, and then making a decision to Keep, Sell, Donate, or Trash every one of them is overwhelming, tiring, boring, emotional, and time consuming, adds up to exhausting for me. So the little wins like finding inspiration in someone else’s home, or getting support from friends who aren’t yet tired of my whining about how long this is taking and how far I have to go yet, means a lot to me. I still have my daily chores to attend to, like vacuuming, walking the dogs, taking the trash out, emptying the dishwasher, grocery shopping, laundry, etc. The 40 Things in 40 Days list I made is very useful to keeping me moving forward. But the checklists I got from Silver Sherpa at The Memorie Group have been invaluable in establishing a proper mindset from the get-go. Coupled with the support from a live person to talk to, it’s exponentially more valuable than reading a book (or a blog post, but I hope you’ll keep reading anyway!). All the other times I have relocated have been primarily propelled by the need to start work at a new job in 2-3 weeks. Now I am propelled by the strong desire to start an enhanced lifestyle. If you’ve any advice to share as I am on this journey, please don’t hesitate to share!!

To begin, one must begin!

02 Monday Feb 2026

Posted by Pat in Connecting the Dots, DOWNSIZING, Making progress, SIMPLIFYING, Uncategorized

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#Downsizing #Transitions, #SILVERSHERPA, Beginning, Lists

As you might guess, my mind has been zipping and zooming around with the idea of downsizing and moving. When? Where? Ugh! The very thought of packing and schlepping and relocating is… ugh. I have moved A LOT in my life, so I know what’s involved. In fact, the longest time span I’ve had the same address in my entire life is at the house I’m in now. Moving every 5-8 years tends to result in a natural sort of purging. And always, I’ve had kids and/or a husband to help make decisions, test out choices, and literally, shoulder the burden (or carry boxes, as the case may be). But I was determined I would do this on my own terms, while I had options, instead of waiting for the other shoe to drop and the choices being taken away from me.

October raced by, and then November was here. I had yet to sit down and put my thoughts on paper and release them into the Universe. In between doctor appointments and making travel plans for the dream trip I was about to embark on, I felt I was already stuck on the hurdles and not at all enjoying the prospect of a fresh start with a simplified lifestyle. I had put the handouts from the October class away in the desk, and true to form, it was out of sight-out of mind for a while.

Then I got a little Divine assist. An email showed up in my Inbox, offering to join a beta group of people to help the sponsoring partner of this program develop a Silver Sherpa component. This sherpa would be a guide, an accountability partner, a sounding board…exactly what I needed! I wanted to take these ideas and do something with them, but I was treading water, feeling a little overwhelmed by what I hadn’t done instead of what I could do going forward. Of course, I immediately responded that I was interested, and to my surprise, I was selected as one of 10 participants.

The Ultimate Checklist for an Exciting Downsizing Adventure

The November class was coming up, and I would get more information then. Sure enough, I got The Ultimate Checklist for an Exciting Downsizing Adventure. Ten steps for making this journey work for me instead of against me.

Embrace the Mindset of Change
Assess Your Current Living Situation
Create a Downsizing Timeline
Declutter with a Purpose
Organize Finances and Documents
Find the Perfect New Home
Engage the Right Professionals
Plan the Move Strategically
Get to Know the New Community
Celebrate the New Adventure.

The concluding sentence on the brochure made me realize I had chosen the right way to do this. It read “Downsizing is not just about letting go – it’s about making space for a vibrant, new chapter.” I made a commitment to myself that I would do this intentionally, with thoughtful planning, professional support, and an open heart. I was going to make this a step forward, not a step back or down… in fact, I was going to get rid of steps literally in my very house, so that I could make the rest of my years (of which I hope there are many – at least 20 or 30!) more livable, fulfilling, and carefree. At least in terms of maintenance and in-home safety.

Thinking before Acting

I started to share my thoughts with a few close friends, and my kids. I didn’t actually have a plan but was forming one. That first step my Sherpa talked about – the mindset – was the key to me being willing to not only embrace the idea but to build momentum and then execute the plan I put together. I’m one of those people who is really keen on understanding the reasons why and having things make sense to me, to fit my truths based on past experiences. One of my favorite expressions is from Neale Donald Walsch, author of Conversations With God. It is: “The only reason to do anything is as an expression of who you are.” And so I talked about my options and ideas, and I tried to keep them in the context of Who I Am and how I wanted to be. For example, I think I am a generous person, and so donating some of my things instead of selling them, fits my definition of generosity. But some things do have a monetary value and I’m also not a fool, so for things I sell, it is important to be fair and not greedy. Defining one’s sense of self is a time-consuming but rewarding experience for me.

After a lot of contemplation, it was time to create the working plan. I am making my list(s) and checking it twice. I’m also bouncing around and rearranging the pieces a bit, as I simultaneously schedule appointments with an attorney, realtors, and friends. I’m touring new homes and visiting friends with alternative floor plans in different communities. I’m piling up donation items I come across while gathering documents and organizing files. I’m going in circles, but it’s not quite a merry-go-round, it’s more like a moving sidewalk.

As you know, I made up what I thought was going to be my To Do checklist. And I made an inventory of sorts of my current belongings. I found a potential next home for me, and I played with the floorplan to help me solidify in my mind what I would keep, sell, donate, or trash. And that’s all well and good. But that house is not yet for sale, which means I can play with the timeline and take it easy. Or so I thought.

40 Things in 40 Days

I heard a rumor that the homeowner of my possible next home was out house hunting. Maybe this is really going to happen sooner than I thought!?! I made another list last week: 40 things in 40 days. Forty spaces in my house that need decluttering or sorting and organizing… or packing even. It includes the following – which is not an exhaustive list by any means. For instance, it does not include things that need to be done to get my house ready to list for sale. It’s just my attempt at making my decluttering plan more realistic.

The Tupperware cabinet (which always needs sorting and organizing)
The bookcases (I have 7, and only do 1 at a time)
Office closet (folders, binders, boxes old phones came in, cords for electronics, etc.)
My closet (again, always needs help to keep manageable)
Kevin’s closet (since he died, it’s become the upstairs mini-garage of tools, vacuum cleaner, suitcases, construction leftovers from bathroom remodel, Christmas wrapping paper and boxes, Costco toilet paper, paint, etc.)
Guest room closets (seasonal bedding mostly)
Pantry in kitchen (for expired food and that which I just don’t eat – like stale cereal)
The china cabinet (dishes, as well as table linens)
Under the kitchen sink (’nuff said!)
Shelves in the laundry room (large appliances like bread maker, extra cleaning supplies, dog bath stuff, etc.)
Dog stuff in garage (I foster dogs, so have LOTS of excess for various sizes and genders and breeds)

Anyway, you get the idea. Some spaces will take 10 minutes, others will take 10 hours! I’m happy to report I’ve already donated 4 boxes of books to the Friends of the Library and my neighborhood Little Free Library, and I have one more box packed and ready to deliver. I have agreed to let a friend try and sell two boxes of glass decor items, and I have one more box packed and ready to deliver to her. I have got one large bag of clothes and shoes from my closet, one large bag of lap quilts and couch blankets, and one box of kitchen decor items ready to be picked up by our local D.A.V. tomorrow. Oh, and so far, it’s still just a rumor about “my” house being up for sale…

Me or Them?

For years, I’ve rebelled against the decluttering trends and resisted doing the Swedish Death Cleaning to make the lives of my kids easier whenever I do cease to live in this realm. I’ve always felt that I should live my life for me in the present, and not for my kids for someday. I’m not the kind to be afraid of doing something that maybe “someday” will make it difficult to sell my house because some mysterious future buyer won’t like a purple bedroom. But I do admit that there is a deep feeling of satisfaction to be doing this for myself – and not just because I might be downsizing and moving this year or someday, but because I am in the mood to simplify my life. That means easing up on what I spend my time cleaning and dusting and rearranging, or looking for when there’s too much to go through, or having space for a new treasure I’ve found out in the wild, or freeing up money for travel or whatever.

I don’t remember who said it, but some author wrote about writing that to begin, one must begin. And wherever this project leads me, I have begun. Someday it might actually be writing that book, but for today, it’s about simplifying my life so that I can be more of who I want to be, doing what I want to do, and having all the feels along the way.

Out of Order – but not like you think

19 Monday Jan 2026

Posted by Pat in DOWNSIZING, Making progress, SIMPLIFYING, Tips and Tricks, Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

#Decluttering, #Downsizing #Transitions, #SILVERSHERPA

Until you understand everything, this might seem confusing. But it makes sense to me. I’m just trying to catch up. Things aren’t happening in the order I expected, which I guess would be too easy. It’s not a straight timeline, as one thing leads to another, and I’m figuring it out as I go—with some help from my guide and support from my friends.

Anyway, I’m making progress. Here’s what I’ve accomplished in the past few days.

Made an appointment to get a new Will, Advanced Medical Directive, and Power of Attorney.
Talked to one banker to see if I can qualify for a mortgage now that I don’t have a job or a spouse with income. I’m living off a pension and Social Security, plus a small draw from my IRA. The answer is yes, but this isn’t a prequalification; it’s keeping me from going off the rails. I have another call to another banker scheduled for next week.
See below since I can’t figure out how to keep this list going and add a picture at the same time!

I made a floor plan of a neighborhood house I like. It’s not completely my “ideal” house, but it’s got great potential. No way is this settling; it’s reality and it’s exciting. I measured a lot of my furniture and tried to see what might fit. This will help me figure out what to keep and what to let go of, since I don’t have the option of buying first and selling second, or moving in and seeing what fits before I make decisions. The house isn’t on the market but the owner is planning to move closer to family in the next few months, and a new home search for her hasn’t been started yet. We’ve talked a few times, and this might be the next place for me.

(sorry for the List feature again!) To make the floor plan, I had to visit the house and measure all the rooms. Then I had to translate my notes to graph paper. For fun, I made copies and then used color pencils to pretend I had painted each room. Twice, since I want my bedroom purple and not green like it is now. I think that’s what I want … for now. Plus, I drew the furniture to scale but not the floor plan, so when the couch took up a room and a half, I had to start over! The idea is to help me get a clearer picture of what I can or should or want to keep, and what would be “left over” and possibly sold or donated. This was advice from a professional organizer and a friend who went through this whole transition last year.

I made a list of my furniture using Excel while measuring it. This assumes I will buy this place, but either way, I have a good start on my inventory. Now I can keep track of what to Keep, Sell, Donate, or Trash. (Note: experts say that “very little is actually trash. Most of what you have can be used by someone, unless it’s broken beyond repair.”)

And I updated a Checklist I started a month ago of all the things I need to do to make this transition happen. The decluttering, the getting organized and related paperwork that grown ups should do (will, etc.), selling this house (market evaluation and readying it for sale), buying a new house and making it a home (home inspection kinds of things), and so on. If you want to see my full checklist, just ask.

(Here’s the stupid List feature again!) I bought three shelving units for the garage and put them up, and then put stuff on the shelves. Yes, I used a friend’s help to make sure I didn’t do anything stupid like climb attic stairs while carrying Christmas decor out of the way. Then I threw out a few things (yep, broken), and I also tried to set some things aside for donation. My friend, good woman that she is, didn’t let me get by with just setting them aside. They were promptly loaded into my truck. The next day I off-loaded them at a local Habitat for Humanity ReStore (and got a donation receipt for tax purposes). And I updated my checklist of things to do, plus marked the progress in decluttering. Yay Me!
I attended a workshop put on by my friendly Silver Sherpa’s office, The Memorie Group, on … guess what?? Yes! Decluttering and dealing with The Stuff. This included talks by a professional organizer and a couple that specializes in selling your Stuff, whether high-value collectibles or regular junque you’ve accumulated… and figuring out the difference between them. The main themes of the Professional Organizer were: (a) Plan; (b) Sort and Declutter; (c) Be Respectful; (d) Consider the New Space; (e) Pack and Move; and (f) Expect Post-Move Adjusting. The process followed by the resellers is: Review, List (pricing and photos), Monitor, Sell/Negotiate, Box/Ship, Approval, Pay. Of course, there’s more to it than this, so when I take this step (with or without professional help), I’ll tell you more. Here’s the main take-away: Sometimes the Market will disagree with you on some things. LOL. This means, your stuff isn’t always worth what you think it is. (And I think, “the Market” includes family and friends as much as it is buyers with money to spend!)
Finally, I visited a former neighbor who sold his house last year and moved into an assisted living facility. He was very encouraging and shared some of the resources he used in his transition – like where the books went, who he used for a real estate appraiser, the moving consultant he hired, and a friend who helped curate the artwork he found in boxes when cleaning closets (which were painted by his mother and they then reframed and hung in the new apartment).

That was my week. I feel good. Except for the format of this post!! I can’t figure out what I’m doing wrong, so I’ll add fixing this later to my To Do list!!! I still feel productive, though. And I feel responsible. I feel like I should be doing this even if I decide to stay put, for one reason or another. I feel it’s doable, and I’m doing it! This week I have an appointment with an attorney about estate planning. Not quite an “oh, joy!” thing, but necessary.

There you have it. Until next time, happy decluttering if that’s what you’re doing, or happy relishing that it’s me and not you who is doing this right now.

Navigating Life Changes: Downsizing!

16 Friday Jan 2026

Posted by Pat in DOWNSIZING, SIMPLIFYING, Uncategorized

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#DOWNSIZING, #MEMORIEGROUP, #NAVIGATINGMORECHANGES, #SILVERSHERPA, decluttering, DOWNSIZING, life, retirement

SOME BACKSTORY

Ten years ago when I quit my job, I intended to find other work, something new maybe, probably somewhere else, but I didn’t know what or where or when. I hadn’t lived here a full year yet when my husband died unexpectedly. I debated moving “back,” but I wasn’t sure where that was. Back to South Dakota? That job wasn’t available any longer. Back to Minnesota? Sisters and friends, but those long, harsh winters?? I actually applied for a job there but changed my mind before the interview was over. No, thanks. Back to New Mexico? Been there done that, but I’d be near to my youngest son and his family. But I’m liking the trees and water and East Coast access to things. To California where my other two children live with their families? Earthquakes, wildfires, traffic, cost of living?? No, but thanks anyway. To Ohio, where another sister lives? She calls it the Armpit of the Country, which I don’t necessarily agree with, but again, winter, and sort of random. I thought, if I’m going to go somewhere random and start over, I might as well stay here and avoid the hassle of moving. For now. I gave myself a year to figure it out.

LIVING SOLO + RETIREMENT = ?

Fast forward ten+ years, and I’m still here, still not working (except for some infrequent consulting work or temporary gigs to make money for travel or another specific purpose). This is the longest time in my entire life I’ve had the same address, and I’m liking that my roots have gone a little deeper – as opposed to going wider every other time I’ve moved to chase my career or make better choices.

I’m still solo, and more single than I was – meaning I believe a new widow is still married for a long while when she’s grieving, but now I’m actually enjoying my new lifestyle. I have adapted to my life as an occasional mom, grandma, aunt, and sister. I volunteer as a dog foster mom, am active with my local HOA board, and help out with the annual Christmas Market. I’m a friend, taking plenty of time to tend to relationships with those I’ve met over the years who live far away. Believe me, I am eternally grateful that we no longer pay for long-distance phone calls!! I travel, I shop, I read, I walk, I talk.

Did I mention I shop? Thrift, consignment, antique, and the occasional boutique and full-on retail department stores. I think I’ve filled the void that was caused by suddenly living alone with stuff. Old stuff, new stuff, big stuff, little stuff, collections of stuff, and just stuff stuff. It’s fun, it’s creative, it’s interesting. It’s a cheap thrill most of the time. I’ll bet some of you can relate to the thrill of the hunt! And in a house with empty spaces, both physically and metaphorically, it’s not problematic. And it’s definitely not hoarding, lest you are concerned for my mental health!! I admit, though, a house has regular and annual and aging-parts maintenance need$ that take up a significant amount of time.

INTERRUPTED BY A MYSTERY HEALTH CHALLENGE

Then a couple of months ago I had my first big health scare, the root cause of which is still a mystery. So for months now I’ve had to go to doctors and submit to scans and ultrasounds and blood draws, even a biopsy (benign, thankfully). When the medical profession and insurance hacks fail me, I’ve consulted Dr. Google and ChatGPT regularly to help me understand what might be going on with my body. All I know for sure is that something is out of balance, and since I don’t know what, I feel vulnerable. Trust me, this kind of thing got my brain working overtime. Like a Mexican jumping bean, I have bounced around the concepts of Days Numbered, Lost Independence, and Better Do It Now.

CHOOSING TO SIMPLIFY

Memorie Group — My primary resource for Downsizing

The result is that I’ve recently volunteered to become a beta client of a new program in town, one in which a “silver sherpa,” a kind of senior’s life coach, helps you prepare to change your lifestyle through planning (and motivation) for downsizing, decluttering, organizing, simplifying, and acting on the idea of The Next Thing – the next place, the next way of life, the next version of you. I’m finally ready for that. I want to make the necessary choices about who, what, when, where, and how while I can still do that – and do it the way I want. You might think I’m still young (only 67) to be thinking about these kinds of major shifts, but the way I see it, it’s a process, and a fairly long one at that. I planned to give myself another year to clean house, to think about my options, to let go of stuff, to prepare myself mentally for a smaller house but a larger life. As you might guess, I’m already off to the races! In other words, it very likely won’t be a year-long process for me.

I invite you along on my journey. I’ll share about the sherpa program, the Downsizing Event program I’ve been attending, my thoughts, the detours, the process. If you get anxious to know more and more quickly than I push out my posts, it’s Ben Munson at the Memorie Group here that I’m working with.

A test, kind of

13 Tuesday Jan 2026

Posted by Pat in Uncategorized

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I lost admin access to this blog, and after a full month of recovery work to get it back, I think I have it now. There is a lot I have to share, so if this is actually working now, you’ll see new content very soon. Maybe even tonight!!!

Women & Mothers

07 Wednesday May 2025

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brothers, cemetery, family, life, love, markers, memories, mom, mothers, signofthetimes

DISCLAIMER: this is NOT a male-bashing commentary. It’s about living now when the times have changed and are changing.

It was a sign of the times: the men were the ones out front, publicly acknowledged, in charge of it all. Women were still supposed to be subservient, obeying their husbands, in the background, weighed down by a lot of social expectations. My mom, Elsie, was one of those women. She was “the Mrs,” not always having an identity of her own.

In 1960, pre-Kennedy and Camelot, pre-Civil Rights, pre-women’s movement, pre-The Pill, already the mother of two (in two years), my mom delivered a third baby, a boy. He was named Greg. And he died when he was just two months old. It was pneumonia, and in a single day’s time, life as we knew it changed. Greg was buried in the St Mary’s Cemetery in Bird Island, Minnesota, where both sets of my grandparents would someday be buried, many aunts and uncles and other family members and both of my parents would be buried. He was the first, tho.

There was no money for a headstone, I suppose, and he was a baby, so maybe he didn’t even warrant a full upright marker. He had what we called a footstone, and it was placed at what would eventually become the foot of my dad’s mom’s grave. I don’t know but I guess they had a family plot because grandma and grandpa and three of their four sons are all in the same small area.

Greg’s footstone has his name prominently displayed, followed by an equally prominent declaration that he was the son of Mr. and Mrs. LOUIS A WEYER. And then 1960-1960. Ever since I can remember, that stone has irked me. It just never felt right. Even though I was brought up in the same way as all my cousins and my friends were, meaning No Questions Asked, no explanations necessary, he includes she, and the men were the absolute head of the family. I wondered about that stone a lot over the years.

A year later my mom had another baby, a boy again, and two years after that, a girl came along, and three years later, another girl. My mom hardly had time to grieve, and although it wasn’t something we talked about, we always knew we had a brother Greg who had died as a baby. I was only two years old when he died, and I don’t remember that, but I do have a few memories from when I was maybe around 4 of my mom sitting in the kitchen near the window and crying. Just staring out the window and looking so very sad. That look never really left her. And I think I always felt a bit sad myself because of it. (I know I was about 4 because every time a baby was born, we moved to a bigger house, and I remember which house this happened in.)

My mom wasn’t the only one to lose a baby. It was much more common then than now. I had four other aunts who had lost babies – stillbirths, an illness, a cancer to a twin. And my mom herself had suffered the loss of one of her sisters in childbirth, and her own mother had a twin baby not survive a birth. Today we would probably think she had a built-in grief support group, but back then, I’m not so sure this was women talked about. I asked an aunt about this, and that’s what she told me – they just didn’t talk about it much.

As it happened, about 15 years later, my parents divorced. You know how it was then. Dad moved on and remarried within a year, and my mom had five children to raise. Plus she survived cancer…back when the Big C was usually a quick death sentence. In fact, she was told she had 6 months to live in 1978, and yet she didn’t die until 2002. She never drove a car (except that one time she nearly caused great bodily harm to my dad while he was gopher hunting), so she walked everywhere, year round. She supported herself and her kids with jobs as a short-order cook at a few local restaurants, cleaned other people’s houses, took in ironing and baked bread, and eventually did what she knew best – day care in her home. All five of her kids graduated high school, and while I went into the Army after high school, I eventually graduated college. My four siblings also all went to college. We aren’t some rags-to-riches story from a mom who saved dollar bills in a cigar box, but we all became self-supporting, socially conscious, and a strong family unit. We gave her 13 grandchildren. We still vacation together and some of us talk daily to each other, although we live in three (soon to be four) different states.

When my mom died, her headstone was carved to give her maiden and married names (she never remarried), and it reads “mom and grandma to many.” One of my dad’s brothers offered to let us have his plot for mom, which would place her near to my brother. But the cemetery (or the Divine) messed that up, and she is many rows away, although in the same section of the cemetery. Interestingly, she is next to a woman who was one of her high school friends, and across the road within the cemetery from where mom’s side of the family is buried – grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc.

So if I’m counting (which I’m not), it’s maybe been way more than 20 years that I’ve been seriously bothered that my mom’s name is not on my brother Greg’s marker. When my dad died, now 11 years ago, his urn was interred next to my brother. I loved my stepmom of 35 years, but I’m glad she was buried in her hometown and not next to my dad and brother, when my brother’s mother was not specifically name nor in close proximity.

I contacted the cemetery and asked about how to get some changes made. I’ve probably called them three or four times in the past ten years. I kept rationalizing that my mom must have agreed at some point to what Greg’s marker read, but I realize that she probably wasn’t even asked. And she never commented on it over the years that I knew of.

In today’s times, though, 65 years later, women are once again being diminished politically and socially. This time I’m fully aware of the impact. As a “senior” (and a widow), I am facing the double whammy of becoming invisible…waiting to be seated at a restaurant, having to insist on an appointment to have a vehicle issue checked out, asking the doctor for an explanation… you maybe know how it is.

So today, a few days before Mother’s Day, I’m taking one more step to balance the scales of justice. I have ordered a new footstone for Greg’s grave. It’s going to have my mother’s name on it, not just my father’s Mrs (especially since there were two of them!). And it will include is date of birth and date of death, so there will be an awareness that he had a family who had loved him for more than just a minute, that he was with us long enough that we were all changed because of him (those details are another post, if not a book). And he was his own person intrinsically, albeit a baby, not just a possession of his parents.

I like cemeteries. I visit my family at St Mary’s almost every time I return to Minnesota. I think they are peaceful places. And it forces me to slow down and consciously remember the “residents” – and me when they were here. Ironically, when my husband died, I did not inter his urn or remains in a cemetery; his ashes were sprinkled in places he loved, like Gettysburg and the Chesapeake Bay and a duck blind in South Dakota. I want to be cremated myself. I don’t think that placing bodies in boxes in vaults six feet under the ground is the best use of Mother Earth. It makes me pause to think there is no single place that people can come to remember me, so I need to come up with a solution for that maybe.

I don’t know if cemeteries will survive all the changes happening in the world. But for as long as St Mary’s is around, and as long as I can get there, I’ll stop by. And I’ll make sure to tell Greg about all he’s missed in my life, and that he knows his mother by name, and I’ll let Mom know she is remembered as Greg’s mom, too.

Times Like These

02 Thursday Jan 2025

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diy, handyman, life, plumbing, toilet

At my age, which is not old but I can see it from here, the things I can’t do seem to be gaining ground. Mostly that seems to be limited to things I need expert help for, but I’m worried the day is coming when it will be “regular” stuff, too.

For example, I can still manage to hook up a camper and drive it a few thousand miles, but I had to call for “real” help when the black tank cracked. I can mow my own yard and mulch the leaves- when I can pull the cord with enough strength to start the engine. I can paint a wall but what used to take a day now takes a few days. And I’ve been ordered by friends and family alike to stay off of ladders. It’s frustrating to have to admit to myself that I am not as independent as I’d like to think I am.

Today I tried something that should have been relatively easy, quick, and painless. I bought a new toilet seat that will give me a rise of about 2″ when sitting; not much, but I won’t have to plop down, and getting up should be easier on the knees. It’s not really for me, it’s for a friend (and friends like her) who recently found herself in the embarrassing situation of not being able to get up from the throne by herself, at someone else’s house for an evening, and she had locked the bathroom door, so calling for help was not the first thing she thought of. Fortunately, after what seemed like a long enough time for the others waiting to give her a ride home, she was able to engage her core enough to stand and lean on the sink for leverage. But I have lived in a house that had the higher commodes, and admittedly, they were useful for me even back then.

So today was the day I tried to put it on. First, you have take off the current seat. Which has probably been in place for 20 years. No kidding. One side loosened up quite nicely. The other did not loosen. At all. The side against the wall, naturally. I hunted down a pliers and eventually a wrench when finger-turning produced no results except a scraped knuckle. Interestingly though, between me trying to loosen this bolt and fitting between the commode and the wall, I jiggled the toilet enough that the water line started leaking. By leaking, I mean spraying water everywhere. Onto the wood floor. I extricated myself from the small space I was in, on my side, then to my knees, to get up and get a bowl from the kitchen to catch the water. I tried to turn off the water supply, but that knob was also on so tight I couldn’t get it to budget without a few cuss words. And even so, it continued to drip. A lot. I got a bigger bowl.

By now, I have emptied the bowl three times, and it probably needs it again. I just do not have the strength or dexterity or leverage to tighten anything under there. I am wavering between being royally ticked off and frustrated, and being deeply saddened by the fact that I am almost old.

I called a neighbor who I have shared names with for electricians, painters, handymen, etc. I have names of two plumbers from her, one with an * by it, but I don’t know if that means “good” or “bad.” She said it was good, so I called him. Wouldn’t you know, it’s still holiday season, and he’s out of state. He referred me to someone else, and I left a message but no return call after a half hour. I look out on my street and there don’t seem to be any cars belonging to capable strong people who could help me out.

So I called my “handyman” guy, who isn’t really a handyman; he’s a carpenter. He tiled my bathroom shower, laid flooring in the hallway, installed new patio doors, and attached an antique fireplace mantle to a wall for me. I asked him for a referral to a plumber or true handyman, but when I told him I had water dripping, he said he would stop by himself and see what he could do. He’s at another job, so it will be a few minutes. And now I understand why tradespeople/subcontractors sometimes take longer than you think is necessary to get a job done. They take calls from stressed out people like me. And come to their aid.

In years past, I have painted rooms, moved plenty of furniture, planted and transplanted bushes and flowers, put together a crappy metal shed, laid both brick and flagstone sidewalks, replaced a garbage disposal, rewired lamps, put together furniture that came packed in a box, cleaned out gutters, dug holes using a post hole digger, replaced a toilet wax ring, and put a deadbolt lock on a door. I own tools that aren’t just screwdrivers; I have a multi-purpose tool, an air compressor, a sander, a saw or three, a sledgehammer, and a cordless drill, among others. I know how to use them all, some better than others. Turning a damn threaded nut on a bolt should not be a big deal.

It’s time like these that make a woman like me think twice about having a man around on a regular basis. Luckily, I can still just buy their time when I have an emergency. Because any man I might be interested in might also not have the physical strength that I don’t have, nor the necessary agility or dexterity or stability required.

The good news is that things like this have happened often enough in the past couple of years that I don’t always cry as my first response to the frustration of times like these. Now, I have to go empty the bowl again.

	Barbara A Koenders on Hitting the Pause Button
	EILEEN SCHWIENTECK on My Move Book, and other t…
	Phyllis Reller on My Move Book, and other t…
	Phyllis Reller on Progress Report, and it’…
	Barb Koenders on Out of Order – but not l…

Solowingnow

~ Dealing with change doesn't mean starting over; it's about how you transition from wherever you are right now to the next place.

Hitting the Pause Button

My Move Book, and other tips

Confirming and Affirming My Decision to Move

Let’s Have a Meeting

Getting the Ball Rolling

Checking out the Competition

Doing The Work to Get Ready

The Mental Leap has been Achieved

The Move Book is Coming Next

Progress Report, and it’s exciting!

Kitchen things.

Glass decor.

Estate Planning.

To begin, one must begin!

The Ultimate Checklist for an Exciting Downsizing Adventure

Thinking before Acting

40 Things in 40 Days

Me or Them?

Out of Order – but not like you think

Navigating Life Changes: Downsizing!

A test, kind of

Women & Mothers

Times Like These

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Let’s Have a Meeting

Getting the Ball Rolling

Checking out the Competition

Doing The Work to Get Ready

The Mental Leap has been Achieved

The Move Book is Coming Next

Share this:

Kitchen things.

Glass decor.

Estate Planning.

Share this:

The Ultimate Checklist for an Exciting Downsizing Adventure

Thinking before Acting

40 Things in 40 Days

Me or Them?

Share this:

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