Monthly Archives: January 2017

Self Discipline

26 Thursday Jan 2017

Posted by in New Biz, Transformation

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It’s been said that if you want something done, give it to a busy person.  The thinking is that a busy person knows how to schedule and delegate, and will see to it that the project is completed.  I used to be that way…the one described as the busy person, who got things gone.  Not so much these days!

It turns out that when you have all the time in the world, so to speak, it’s quite easy to develop procrastination skills instead of disciplinary skills.  For example, I currently have the following work-related deadlines or commitments: Jan. 28, Jan. 31, Feb. 1, Apr. 10, and Apr. 25.  Each will require planning, research, and developing an agenda before I get to the actual work of designing a presentation or session. Instead, today I already have completed three loads of laundry, hung a wind spinner thing in my backyard (which I noticed was still in packaging in the laundry room), sorted some plastic rivet things (which came off the spinner package), and texted with a friend about some fun I had yesterday glamming up my camper.

I got to my desk by 9:00 this morning, showered and dressed and face on.  In the past 14 months, I have successfully avoided using an alarm clock except for days when I have HAD to be somewhere early. The result is that sometimes I don’t even roll out of bed until 9, and then by the time I feed the dogs and walk them around the yard, get dressed, make the bed, and have some coffee and cereal, I might not get start any work until noon. Which seems unseemly, almost wicked..

And therein lies the problem: wrong thinking. In reality, I am still getting things done and not messing up deadlines. I may get up later, but I stay up later. I feel productive, if not financially secure! I might take time for a few diversions here and there, but that’s the glory of working for myself, from home.

For example, in the past two days, I have sewn a pair of kitchen curtains for my camper, camper curtains.jpgremoved some blinds and crappy camper valances, camper-diningmade a tablecloth (complete with weights and fringes), hung shelves and hooks, had extended phone conversations with my sister and a girlfriend, hung a new shower curtain, added a little more yard art outside, camper-bathlaundered my bedding and mattress cover, and baked (and ate) chocolate chip cookies, all of which also required shopping for materials. Oh, and I recalibrated my GPS and set up a new geocaching account so I can take that up again. In addition, I have prepared for a presentation I will do on Saturday morning, made an agenda for a meeting I am leading Saturday afternoon, and made a to-do list for a party I am hosting Saturday night.

Come to think of it, I guess I am self-disciplined. And I am also quite productive. And creative.  I am just in need of self–permission to do it my way, instead of on-the-clock like I had done for the previous 30 years. As long as it gets done, it’s more important to enjoy the journey.

A-journeying I will go, too! Camping and geocaching are on the my list for things to do in 2017. I know I am disciplined enough to set goals and to achieve them, so here I go!!! If you care to be my traveling companion from time to time, let me know.  Seriously.

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Sabbatical v. Marching

23 Monday Jan 2017

Posted by in Dreaming, Gratitude, Grief, Sabbatical, Transformation

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This past weekend, January 21, 2017, there was a significant demonstration of solidarity for human rights, not just in Washington DC but across the USA and around the world.  It was a focused time to think about what really, really, really matters, and to do something about it.  I had 2 nieces, 2 sisters, 2 granddaughters, one daughter, and several friends attend in Washington DC, Los Angeles, St. Petersburg FL, Fargo ND, and even here in Williamsburg…these are the ones that I know of.  I did not attend, and I’m not even sure how I feel about it after the fact….I don’t regret not attending but I am very proud of those who did.

I stayed away deliberately, because I don’t like huge crowds and, frankly, I was concerned about it turning ugly. The criminal protests and damage that was done on Friday for the inauguration was deplorable. I also don’t attend concerts because of overcrowding, and the anticipated gridlock on the interstates and city roads also was a deterrent. It seems to me that my preference for solitude is growing, and that too is food for thought. I am comfortable with my choice and I am comfortable with the choice others made. That is one of the benefits of living in the USA – the right to make these choices for myself.

It’s not that I want to have others speak for me, or that I am unwilling to stand up for what I believe in. In the past, this Mama Bear has been known to not only defend but to attack priests, the medical profession, family members, bosses, and even basketball coaches, among others, when I felt thwarted, threatened, or demeaned. It’s just not my style if I have other options these days. The option I chose this weekend was prayer, for those marching, as well as for our country and the people in charge of it. I even attended church on Sunday, which those who know me will be (pleasantly?) surprised about, and then several of us talked about the marches for a few hours afterwards. One had been to DC and two others had participated right here in town (which I hadn’t known about). No judgments were made on either side; it was a true time of simply sharing experiences.

I am also proud of those I know who did go. I got tears when I saw the pictures of my daughter and granddaughters dressed in Superwoman and Wonder Woman capes, holding signs and smiling. They are learning that they have a voice and are using it, and that they are not alone. I was happy to see my nieces also taking risks and making statements with their clothing and signs to stand up for what they feel strongly about, not to just attend because it was a thing to do on a Saturday. My sisters are on vacation but still took time to join in a march near where they are. Making time for what is important, instead of making excuses for what is inconvenient, is a valuable skillset we can  all learn from. We all do what we can, when we can, with what we have, in our own ways.

What I’ve been thinking about is how I took the past year as a sabbatical to recalculate what is important to me now. It is too easy to get lost in the everydayness of our lives, to stay on autopilot because we don’t know what else to do, to wait for a better time to do what needs to be done.  I spent many months thinking about my values, religious, political, and otherwise, and I still can’t recite them, but I feel more whole for having gone into the weeds and through the vast fields of doubt and uncertainty to find myself again.

Going within, taking the time to do this, relearning how to take care of myself, and coming up with a plan for being true to myself has been a priceless opportunity for me. I think everyone should take a sabbatical to do this because a single-day march, even for a cause as big as this one, is not enough to sustain new thoughts and ideas. We need action, planned, deliberate, sustainable action. Maybe this is where I can help. We have not begun anything new yet; we have declared the ending of what was. Now is the time to prepare for a new beginning. That is what my sabbatical did for me. It helped me let go of the old ways, the old ideas, the old relationships, the old dreams, and it gave me time to process the change that had occurred and ushered in the necessary space for rethinking these ideals. I am just now sprouting a new beginning.

An Open Letter to my Children on Inauguration

16 Monday Jan 2017

Posted by in Dreaming, Gratitude, Traditions, Transformation, Uncategorized

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Dear Children, One of the posts I saw on Facebook this morning was from a friend who shared a “good read for those who are afraid, upset and disquieted by what will take place this coming Friday…”  Both she and I are in a Speaker’s Academy, and this Friday is when we have our final “showcase” speech and graduation.  She actually was going to withdraw a week ago, feeling unprepared for the event, but she has reconsidered.  Imagine my amusement when I opened the article and discovered it was about Donald Trump’s inauguration set for this Friday also! It was 10 Acts of Resistance on Inauguration Day, and one of them struck a chord with me.

I am writing this letter in response to idea #7, Reassure Your Children, by nurturing their hope.  I urge you to remember that as dramatic as things seem right now, as impossible as the future seems, as opposite the ideals are of the incoming Administration from what you think you would like to see, please know that it will be okay. You have to trust me on this. I don’t mean things are going to be easy, or feel good, or that all the streets will turn to gold and love and peace will overflow.  But I have walked through some parts of hell already in my life, and I do know there is always something else ahead.

You may not think of it this way, but here are a few things that have happened in my time…things I remember for myself.

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  • JFK was assassinated. I was in kindergarten, and I remember the announcement, the crying, being sent home. I didn’t know what it was about, but I knew it was BIG.  I also remember MLK being shot when I 9 years old, and Grandpa’s reaction (one I’m not proud of, but then, it was him, not me), and RFK too.
  • Viet Nam.  Grandpa’s cousin, Bernie, served, so it always seemed personal, although I didn’t really understand it. I was still young.
  • Nixon and Watergate.  I was 16, and we were all in the car driving to Utah for vacation when Nixon resigned. I heard it on the radio, and Grandpa was so angry about it. I remember a fleeting thought of how bad it was going to get if no one was in charge, and wondering if it could be worse than having a crook in charge.
  • Reagan’s victory. I remember standing in a line at the school polling place when it was announced he had won, and we hadn’t even voted yet. It wasn’t long after that I paid 10% interest on a car we bought, and 16% mortgage interest on our home in Cuyamunge. I was making $1850/month working for the state. We survived that, and look at us now.
  • Clarence Thomas hearings, and the Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinsky scandal. I know where I was, I remember watching the broadcasts.  Same with Oliver North. President Bush and the Gulf War, which my cousin Rick served in, and the next President Bush…’nuff said.
  • 9-11 I was at work, and got a call from Auntie Di asking me if Renae was okay. Renae was, in fact, visiting in my home in Brookings (divine intervention?). I rushed home so we could watch CNN together. What was a last-minute weekend trip became a week, and nothing has really been the same since then.
  • Yada-yada-yada.  Suffice it to say, it’s always something. And yet, here we are.

In the midst of the political angst over the past 40 or 50 years, I also had some personal shit in my life that helped make the politics less important.

  • I buried both my parents and a husband. I also witnessed several good relatives and some friends being laid to rest.
  • I divorced, and moved 6 times after that, trying to provide for my family while completing my college degree, raising teenagers and helping them into college.
  • Tino broke his knee, Renae had endometriosis, Gabe broke his wrist, Brandy rolled a car, Ethan shot out a window in Gabe’s truck, Heather had a baby, Renae got divorced.
  • I loved people who suffered through cancer, had an abortion, were foreclosed on their home, lost a job, went to jail, had surgeries, got divorced, fought with children, were abused, committed suicide, were hospitalized, lost their reputation, buried their children or spouses, and otherwise started over again.

On the other hand, while all this (and more) was going on in my world and other people’s lives, good things happened, and are still happening.

  • I brought up amazing children, who themselves have amazing children.  As my hero Kahlil Gibran reminds us, life goes forward, not backward.  (Donald Trump is already 70; you and your children are the future.) I was able to give each of you an education, a respect for nature, and a strong familial relationship. You are good, kind, hard-working, responsible, nurturing, and loving people. That’s what the world needs. Pass that on to your children, and to your friends and their children. Life is an evolution, not an event. Keep trying to make it better.
  • All my children found and give mature love as adults, and they have made meaningful lives with wonderful partners. They also show love to their families, their friends, their neighbors. I am so proud of each of you.
  • Despite whoever was in the Oval Office, I was able to mend a broken heart, more than once. I know what’s really important to me, and I don’t get so caught in the drama of the news cycle.  It’s good to know that this is possible. Life goes on, and it is worth the effort to see what’s next, to know new people, to try new things, to go new places. There is life after life as you knew it, and there will be life after Donald Trump goes home again.
  • Despite whatever was going on in city hall, or the state capitol, or the Capitol Beltway, I always believed that what I did mattered. Not because I had a select or elite position, but because I know that the everyday little things add up.  All politics are local, and I focused on what I could manage in my own way. Starting at home, always.
  • I still have access to new ideas, books, movies, music, and art. I can avoid the “real” world and all its drama by the diet I feed my mind. I choose to read positive stories with happy endings, I listen to uplifting music, I surround myself with the stuff that makes me feel good. I know people who have lost all that and had to flee their homes in a communist country, and they still survive; they live better now. Be a role model to your children, give them hope.
  • I still had time to experience life, absent the stream of bad news trying to assault me. The Little League games, the indoor soccer matches, the hockey games I still don’t understand, the basketball trips, the Disneyland days, that bus trip to Duluth, the chanting of a choir, the sun in Jamaica, the wine in Italy, country music line-dancing, the cross-country road trips, camping, geo-caching for treasures, hugs and smiles from granddarlings, the singing birds in my own backyard, the antics of puppies and old dogs, good coffee. The mental breaks are vital to my health. I want to see happiness in pictures and videos, share in the moments you think are important, stay in touch with my friends. There is little room for political drama, except West Wing on Netflix!

I don’t think I am abdicating any personal responsibility by not publicly voicing my displeasure at the state of the world and contributing to that negative noise. I have chosen another way, and I do take full responsibility for my personal condition.  Every week at Toastmasters I join like-minded people who are interested in making the world a better place by improving their communication and leadership sTMkills. As I see it, the world is desperately in need of these attributes. Last fall I had the incredible opportunity to see 144 counties sharing a weekend in the pursuit of a better world, at a Toastmasters International conference.  Proof that we can live in a different world. That’s how I serve,  what I choose to be a part of.  As John Lennon said, you may say I’m dreamer, but I’m not the only one.

Right now there is uncertainty because everything is changing.  Remember, not all change is bad, and in the final analysis, at least we are in the USA, not some third world country or communist regime. It’s never been a perfect world, and it likely won’t be while we live on this earth. That’s what heaven is for. And there is always hope for a better, different tomorrow, because you are here and I am here. We can make a difference, we can make choices, we can prove the naysayers wrong about how bad it is. And with my rose-colored glasses on, just think what it might be like if Donald actually does some good!

I challenge you to continue to be grateful for what you have, and to not dwell on what you don’t have. I am grateful that you all are in my life. You and your partners, your children, your friends. 20160627_165608Keep on loving your children, encouraging them, playing with them, nurturing their positive spirits.  Someday probably we will look back on this week and all we feared, but for now I will remember that January 20, 2017, is my son’s birthday, and the day I graduate from the National Speaker’s Association Speaker Academy.  I don’t have any inclination to cast a shadow on this day by worrying about other things.

With everlasting love, Mom

 

An ounce of prevention…

10 Tuesday Jan 2017

Posted by in Uncategorized

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There is something kind of cool about watching it snow outside, and pile up, and up, and up, to a foot deep, and then NOT shoveling because you know the temps will soar to 40 and 50, even near 70 in just a few days!  I did that. We got around 12″ of snow out of this past storm front. A neighbor boy came over on Saturday and offered to shovel (for pay, of course), but it hadn’t stopped snowing yet, so I asked him to come back the next morning. He said he would.  He didn’t.  And I didn’t.  Until today, now three days later.

I had to take my 2-wheeled trash bin out from the near-back outside of the garage, across the driveway, to the curb in front of the house this morning. As I had a breakfast meeting at 9:00 a.m. today, and since I will be hosting the neighborhood Bunco Babes tomorrow night, it now seemed like a good idea to get it done.  So I shoveled by myself at 8 am when it was a fresh 16° this morning.  It might have been easier if I had done it when the snow was still light and fluffy, before anyone (like the neighbor kid) or I walked on it, but it wasn’t all that bad. What made it ugh-ly was that my plastic shovel has a huge crack in it. Still, I got the job done. We are supposed to reach 47 degrees today, but at 12″, what I see is the level shrinking but not disappearing yet.  Anyhow, it’s done now.snow

I wonder how many other times I have left something go that if I had taken care of it sooner would have made the job easier or faster or lighter or cheaper or something. A branch that needs to be trimmed, that I worry about until it eventually falls on my deck and I say a quick prayer of thanksgiving that it didn’t break the window or damage the railing. A light that goes on in the car, and then it goes off so I forget about it, until one day I hear strange sounds that now cost more dollars to fix.  A coffee slosh on the stairs or a milk spill on the kitchen chair seat that now has become a stubborn set-in ring that won’t be coaxed away; and the wobbly arm of the dining room chair that has now split and fallen off.  Not buying an item at the grocery store because I’m not really out of it yet, and then one day when I need it,  I don’t have enough (or any) in the pantry.  I used to be better at prevention and maintenance, but I notice I’m not so good lately. I need to fix this (pun intended). Some of these used to be Kevin’s jobs, like shoveling and getting the trash out and motorcycle maintenance.  I knew they got done but I didn’t really pay much attention.  It’s been two years, and I still have to consciously, deliberately think about these things.  What’s up with that?

So I made a short list of things I really should pay attention to now, or soon:

  1. My motorcycle was ridden only twice last year. Probably a good idea to get a professional to look at it, make sure it’s road-worthy, and have the oil changed before I want to take it for a joy ride on some random warm day this spring.
  2. Buy a new snow shovel when they go on sale.
  3. Keep a can of stain remover on hand.

I told you it was a short list.  I’m going to keep this list up, though, and add to it as I come across other still-little things that I may have neglected in the past several months.  Oh…the tear in the seam of that old sweater, the one that didn’t give me joy anyway? Yeah, that’s just going in the trash; not even going to mend it. Double-win.

What is on your list??