Category Archives: New Biz

Self Discipline

26 Thursday Jan 2017

Posted by in New Biz, Transformation

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It’s been said that if you want something done, give it to a busy person.  The thinking is that a busy person knows how to schedule and delegate, and will see to it that the project is completed.  I used to be that way…the one described as the busy person, who got things gone.  Not so much these days!

It turns out that when you have all the time in the world, so to speak, it’s quite easy to develop procrastination skills instead of disciplinary skills.  For example, I currently have the following work-related deadlines or commitments: Jan. 28, Jan. 31, Feb. 1, Apr. 10, and Apr. 25.  Each will require planning, research, and developing an agenda before I get to the actual work of designing a presentation or session. Instead, today I already have completed three loads of laundry, hung a wind spinner thing in my backyard (which I noticed was still in packaging in the laundry room), sorted some plastic rivet things (which came off the spinner package), and texted with a friend about some fun I had yesterday glamming up my camper.

I got to my desk by 9:00 this morning, showered and dressed and face on.  In the past 14 months, I have successfully avoided using an alarm clock except for days when I have HAD to be somewhere early. The result is that sometimes I don’t even roll out of bed until 9, and then by the time I feed the dogs and walk them around the yard, get dressed, make the bed, and have some coffee and cereal, I might not get start any work until noon. Which seems unseemly, almost wicked..

And therein lies the problem: wrong thinking. In reality, I am still getting things done and not messing up deadlines. I may get up later, but I stay up later. I feel productive, if not financially secure! I might take time for a few diversions here and there, but that’s the glory of working for myself, from home.

For example, in the past two days, I have sewn a pair of kitchen curtains for my camper, camper curtains.jpgremoved some blinds and crappy camper valances, camper-diningmade a tablecloth (complete with weights and fringes), hung shelves and hooks, had extended phone conversations with my sister and a girlfriend, hung a new shower curtain, added a little more yard art outside, camper-bathlaundered my bedding and mattress cover, and baked (and ate) chocolate chip cookies, all of which also required shopping for materials. Oh, and I recalibrated my GPS and set up a new geocaching account so I can take that up again. In addition, I have prepared for a presentation I will do on Saturday morning, made an agenda for a meeting I am leading Saturday afternoon, and made a to-do list for a party I am hosting Saturday night.

Come to think of it, I guess I am self-disciplined. And I am also quite productive. And creative.  I am just in need of self–permission to do it my way, instead of on-the-clock like I had done for the previous 30 years. As long as it gets done, it’s more important to enjoy the journey.

A-journeying I will go, too! Camping and geocaching are on the my list for things to do in 2017. I know I am disciplined enough to set goals and to achieve them, so here I go!!! If you care to be my traveling companion from time to time, let me know.  Seriously.

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Shifting gears

26 Tuesday Jul 2016

Posted by in Gratitude, Grief, New Biz, Sabbatical

≈ 5 Comments

You may have noticed that my twice-a-week blog posts are down to once a week, more or less.  My plan is to get on a stable schedule that gives me the flexibility of posting to my business site once a week also.  My sabbatical is not over yet, I don’t think… but it’s clear that my world is turning and the shifting gears keep me in motion quite a bit.

Bad news

There has been a little personal drama in the past week that has set me back just a bit.  My stepmother, the last link to a parent in our family, is in declining health. She fell back in early June and fractured her hip.  She had a partial replacement, but within days fell again and had to have it reset. Then she fell again and got a brace as a result. And the next time after that, she broke her nose. It’s not just the physical healing she is dealing with; it’s the after-effects of the anesthesia each time that continue to be problematic for her. She is 86 and she hasn’t been as able to get back on her feet (no pun intended) as if she was 76 or 66.  She has now been showing signs of her body shutting down, and Hospice care has been arranged. It has us all wondering if she is giving up, as we know she has been lonely and unhappy for a while since my dad died a bit over 2 years ago.  So prayers for her to be comfortable and have her pain managed during this last transition phase are asked for.

Delores

When I got the message two days ago that she was “not good,” I felt myself start to crumble.  I think I even got a little angry that she may be making a choice to give up, which was an option that Kevin didn’t have -or if he did, I didn’t recognize. That then got me to wondering if we all have this choice, and assuming we do, why anyone else thinks they have the right to insist we make the choice to stay here on this earth at this time. How very arrogant of us. So I quickly offered up a prayer for forgiveness for when I have done that.

I also got sad because she is one that keeps me still connected to my dad. When I have to let go of her, things change again even in subtle ways. Then I will be truly orphaned. Even at my age of 58 now, that just seems too much to think about.  And I know I’ve started my grieving already, although she is still here. Why is it so hard to remember that she will still be with me? Grief sure does make you think!!

There’s been a lot of death lately – Mary Jo’s dog, Rosanne’s nephew, Lorie’s dad, that I can’t help but be reminded how temporary life is.  And that thought has me impatient to make up for lost time – all the things I haven’t done yet, the places I want to go, the books I want to read.  Now I have fleeting thoughts that I should stay on my sabbatical forever (which would now likely be termed retirement).

Good work

But it’s the work I’m now starting to do that has me meeting new people and keeping me stimulated. This week already I have gone for ice cream with a new neighbor, and had lunch with a new friend Karen. Sunday I went to a meeting and got to know 6 fellow Toastmasters better as we start a year of being officers for our club together.  I went to lunch in Richmond last week with Karine to the eWomen’s Network gathering, where we both met new people – like us, women engaged in business, who want to make a difference, who are helping each other figure out the things we need to know and do. Next week I’ll be speaking at a luncheon of the Solopreneur Success Circle.  No, I’m not just keeping myself busy so I don’t have to think.  I recognize that this is my time, this is what I do to keep being me.  I’m having my kind of fun.  And yes, I know there are other kinds of fun to be had,  but for me, for now, this is pretty great.

My path

So even though the world keeps turning and I’m shifting gears along with it, I step back now and then to appreciate what I have had, what I do have, the people I’ve known and will know, the path I have been on that has lead me here and wherever I’m going. I know that Kevin and Delores have done their parts along the way, and I thank them. It’s not always easy stepping back into an active grief when you think you’re moving on, but in the Big Picture of Life, I have been so fortunate.  Even Delores’ failing health now has me exploring my thoughts and beliefs again about the meaning of life and death.  I guess I need to be reminded every now and then.  We all do, so we can make the most of what we have left, whatever that is.   Rest in comfort, Delores, until it is your time to go on to The Next Place.

 

This version of me

16 Thursday Jun 2016

Posted by in Gratitude, Grief, New Biz, Transformation

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There are 11 things on my To Do list for today. Most of them were there yesterday, too, and some of them were also on the list Tuesday and Monday.  I should have come back from my trip home relaxed and refreshed and ready to do things. I came back with a handful of powerful questions AGAIN.

Should I pack up and move back to where my siblings are? Should I move closer to or very near to my children and grandchildren? How would things be different if I moved? What will my life be like if I stay?  Can I do this on my own? Now that I have stepped onto the path of The Next Thing, I should be more certain, right?

The good news is that “powerful” questions are those that empower you when you can think about them without getting overanxious, or that you can live with even when you don’t have the answers. Powerful questions propel you deeper and wider into discovering who you are, so you can BE even when you DO. This past year and a  half has seen a lot of time when I was feeling lost, which I now think means that my feelings were lost. Slow motion is not the same as slowing down. I was on autopilot way too often, and I didn’t honor my feelings. I just tried to wait them out, until I couldn’t any more.  When I realized I had to express them, and that I could express them, and I did express them, I let go of so much anxiety, fear, insecurity.  At the same time, I took in so much calmness and freshness and lightness.

Here is what it’s been like to feel my feelings just in these past couple of weeks. I was enchanted with the farmlands and the peacefulness of the Minnesota landscape. I was joyful to be riding around with my sisters, going for tats, shopping, and birthday dinner.  I was proud to have my brother show me around his workplace, and I noticed I missed male comraderie (admit it – they just think differently than women do). I was very happy to spend an evening with Kevin’s kids and grandkids, and to feel the peace of being connected to him. I felt like the old me again when I had dinner with two former co-workers who “knew me when.” And I laughed again with two good friends who knew me before I was with Kevin.  In all those ways and more, I was the old me again, and it felt good.

Then I came home Friday and jumped right into a packed schedule.  I went to an educational class on Sunday night, and I got pumped up because I learned something new, something that made sense, something that will definitely work for me. On Monday morning, I had breakfast with a good friend here, and I came away feeling so positive about myself. I spent that evening in a speaker academy class, and I was actively engaged in the discussions. Tuesday I stayed in bed with dogs until 11:30, and I loved every minute of not having to get up.  I spent part of the afternoon at the library, loving the freedom to go in the middle of the day. Wednesday I went to a networking event for women, and I met some fabulous new people and participated in a Wisdom Circle. It’s a forum I have been looking for, and I was completely satisfied I had found it.  Last night I went for ice cream with another friend and again felt a certainty about The Next Thing. I’ve read two books in two days, once sitting on my deck for an afternoon in the warm sun.  I was just doing what felt good to me.  Both here and while on my trip.

So what I know is this.  I cannot give up the wonderful flexibility of working from home, for myself.  I am willing to work hard to keep that. I have love in my life, and blossoming friendships, and intellectual stimulation…all things I need and will not give up on. I have learned to appreciate the moment, and I am pretty good these days at catching myself while in that flow as it is happening.  I have learned to slow down even while keeping busy.  I have an abundance of wonderful people and things and experiences in my life.  It doesn’t matter where I am, because this is the real me, the me I want to be.  So I will stay a little longer because I like this version of me.  I’ll just make sure to visit Minnesota (and my families) more often.

Things I forgot to remember

04 Wednesday May 2016

Posted by in New Biz

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So I go “back to work,” right? Thinking it will be the same as if I hadn’t left, except that this time I’m working for myself.  Wrong!  I got home this afternoon, and here are a few things I forgot to remember.

1. Walking Shoes

The training location was “a short 10 minute walk” from the hotel.  I forgot that this is a subjective opinion. It certainly feels longer than 10 minutes when it’s slightly uphill, across busy streets, in the mist, carrying a briefcase, umbrella, and purse, and in the wrong shoes. I can’t believe I forgot my tennis shoes.  I did take a pair of dressy black flats to change into if the stupid high heels and other cute pink new shoes didn’t work out.  Which they didn’t. I had changed into the flats at the morning break.  By the end of Day 1, I put my feet up on pillows to relax. At the end of Day 2, I found a Payless Shoes and bought a cheap pair of walkers.  But I still forgot socks.

2.  The Make-up Kit Evaluation

I used to have a traveling make-up and personal toiletries kit for the camper, and one for work travel. Then we stopped camping, so I raided that to restock my work travel kit.  Then I quit work and bought a camper, so I raided back again.  This isn’t the same as my personal vacation kit, by the way, since work travel requires planning for a lot of possibilities, and personal travel means I can rely on my sisters or kids to have what I might need.  I forgot that mascara gets old and should be replaced every 6 months or so, and it is a little clumpy then.I forgot that the reason I didn’t like that blush anyway was because it’s not subtle enough. I forgot that short hair requires a different hairbrush.  And I forgot to pack bandaids, which I desperately needed.  I was able to get 3 from the hotel’s front desk, but by Night 2, I stopped at CVS Pharmacy on the way back from the shoe store. I also bought sinus pills and Tylenol.

3.  Bike shorts

It turns out that staying home in casual clothes and not caring overmuch about thigh gap has consequences when one goes out of town in the spring where it is humid and you are walking outside more than usual in a dress or skirt.  I had decided to not wear suits, and this also meant no pantyhose.  But it did not mean no chafing.  I learned today that deodorant would have been a good substitute (for both blisters on the feet and sore other parts). Now that I’m home, Monkey Butt powder and a pair of sweat pants are my salvation.

4. Coffee cup

I used to always take my own insulated coffee cup with me. I don’t especially like drinking out of hot paper cups (even if they have sleeves), and I don’t like refilling the tiny cups you usually get at conferences. When you are teaching, it’s not polite to keep running to the back of the room for more coffee or water. The throat gets very dry, so it’s not like it’s just pure indulgence. In this case, we were on the 18th floor, and the coffee was  in the café on the 2nd floor. Which you got to by a separate set of elevators, by the way. And which costs money every refill.  I ended up buying a bottle of water for a few dollars and refilling that at the water fountain in the hallway.  Maybe it’s good that I cut down on my coffee intake, but next time I will definitely take my own mug.

5.  The let-down when it’s over

Finally, I forgot what it was like to have a really good start and want to call home the first night and tell him about it, and hear him say, “I knew you would be great.”  And I ended on a high note, too. I need to find a way to give my self a high-five for my good work.  I have been coming and going for both work and travel over the past 1-1/2 years, and even during this 5 months on  sabbatical. Today I even had a house/pet sitter here with the dogs. But when I took my suitcase upstairs, I cried a little. I was reminded -again-that this is my life now, and equally important I wouldn’t even being doing THIS if he was still here.  Bittersweet feelings.  I looked at the dust on the dresser and headboard of the bed, which I didn’t get to before I left,  and for the first time, I wasn’t so excited about my house. I had the fleeting thought, “this house is too big for me.” Or else I need Merry Maids.

Despite all these forget-me-nots, it was a still a great comeback for me.  I was confident with the material, was fully engaged with the class, and felt a little important again. The post-course evaluations indicate the group’s reaction was also positive. Plus I now have a pair of shoes to leave in the car, a nearly-full box of bandaids and a new bottle of pain relievers.  I just hope the huge blisters.on my feet heal before I do Round Two in two weeks.

 

 

5 things to know about starting your own business.

25 Monday Apr 2016

Posted by in New Biz, Sabbatical, Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

My new business is taking off, at least in the way of necessary start-up paperwork, like getting the LLC set up, tax ID, bank account, business cards, domain names, etc. I have spent nearly two full days taking care of the details, and I feel like I’m not spending much time at all where I would prefer to.  Which is why I planned this sabbatical – to learn to slow down, to spend time lost in thought, and to smell the roses.  Trying to not get overwhelmed, which seems too easy for me to do these days.  I used to be such a trooper, a regular Wonder Woman when it came to getting things done. People would describe me as energetic, tenacious, driven, spunky, and exuberant.  Now I’d prefer to be called  balanced, calm, patient, aligned, and happy.  I don’t suppose these are opposite ends of the spectrum, but I’d like for the swinging of the pendulum to be more rhythmic than bouncing.

Here is a list of 5 things I’m reminded of lately relating to this endeavor.

1. Done is better than perfect.

I keep hearing this, from different people, so it must have some kernel of  truth in it.  However, there is a corollary to this, one I learned in Miss Heery’s 10th grade typing class: There is never enough time to do it right, but there’s always enough time to do it over.  It seems to me that taking time now to put the big picture in perspective will save precious time down the road, so I won’t rush through things.

2. You don’t have to know it all, you just have to know where to find it (or who to call).

Okay, but I need to understand what I’m signing and why I’m making the decisions I am.  I am not interested in becoming a marketing guru, for example, but I need to understand the proposed strategy so that I can support it -or at least not get in the way.  There are also things I could do but just don’t want to, so I’d rather pay for those services.  Examples are preparing and filing the LLC and EIN paperwork, and getting other legal documents done right. And bookkeeping. Not that I have any dollars to manage right now, but I sure do want expert tax advice when the dough starts rolling in. Enter an accountant.

3.  There is no substitute for experience. Except preparation.

I am reading, learning, researching, conferring with, and getting myself ready.  I can learn from other people’s mistakes and give myself some early wins.  Lots and lots of preparation going on here, to give my experience some shine.

4.  Don’t get too good at something you don’t want to do.

Way back in the day, I was a legal secretary and paralegal. I since climbed that old ladder of success all the way to the top, before I got on another ladder. Now I’m on my third ladder, which is just a little bit wobbly yet. Today I had my first inquiry from a random person on Linked In, asking me about doing some temp work for a few weeks. Interesting! As a legal secretary.  It was good work back then, but not only am I not available, I’m not interested now.  I have to practice saying No.  I have to keep myself available for the work I do want to do.

5.  There are more than five things to know about starting your own business!

But they don’t all have to be known, or done, at once.  The advice I’m getting is: start simple, get complicated later.  A related axiom: You can have it all;  you just can’t have it all at once.  This is where good organizational and time management skills come into serious play.  I’m so glad I returned to my Day-Timer planner system.  Not only can I read everything because it’s on 5×8 paper instead of a 2×4 screen, but I can keep reminders and notes and stickies and flip back and forth to compare dates or … blah-blah-blah.

The energy created by working on this, something will be not just mine but reflective of me, is giving me quite a buzz.  Time flies by, and I’m not tired even when the clock approaches that witching hour.  I get up when the birds start singing and rarely does that seem too early.  It proves that I have done a fine job on this sabbatical of recovering from my exhaustion and restoring my energy. It also goes to show that engaging in a  labor of love generates much more satisfaction than fighting disharmony. The only thing that would make it even better right now is to have someone to share this with, someone I could bounce ideas around with, someone to give me insights, to smile and tell me I’m on the right path and that it will all be okay, and mostly, that he’s got my back.  That would make a huge difference.  And so I’ve named my new business The Duggan Difference.

Bus card

Front and back of new business card