Monthly Archives: March 2017

The Change Cycle – No, not that change!

24 Friday Mar 2017

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Don’t you just love it when things make total, complete, perfect sense the first time??? Yes, it happened to me again a few weeks ago. I opened myself up to the world of possibilities and what could be even better than this thinking, and sure enough, something better showed up! It happened like this.

My friend Diane loaned me a book, so it’s all her fault – in such a wonderful, good way. Thank you, Diane!!!  And since I’m an “ollin” kind of girl (as in “all in”), I read the entire book in 2 days, called and talked to the author (by accident, but still, she answered the phone!), decided to get certified to teach this concept, and started online classes…again with help from Diane, who just happens to be certified to teach this already. I now have 8 copies of the book, 3 sets of participant materials for my first Beta students, and a level of enthusiasm that I am so happy to feel all the way to my toes. Oh, and I already modified a presentation I gave this week on Effective Communication to incorporate some of these ideas, with some effective results.

The book is The Change Cycle, by Ann Salerno and Lillie Brock. It’s about how to navigate change, and not just survive it, but thrive in the midst and afterglow of a change at the organizational level, too.  Suffice it to say that the book draws on the work of Mazlow’s Hierarchy, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s work on death and dying, Bill Bridges’ work on Transitions, and the authors’ own research and experiences initially in South Africa but also in the US for the past 20 years.  They offer that there 6 stages of change, with some predictable and unpredictable responses, and that there are clear, proven ways to help people assess what stage they are in and how to move beyond that to complete the cycle of change.

It’s what I would have said/preached/taught/told people if I was already through all 6 stages as a result of Kevin’s death if I wrote this book. The transition I had to go through since then – and am still going through in varying ways – has been pretty much the very experience described in this book. Like they were flies on the walls of my house for the past 2+ years.  It’s amazing, and comforting, and mysterious, and interesting, and useful.

I keep saying things like I have “turned a corner” in my grief, and I surely have turned many corners.  But one could expect that 4 corners and you’re done.  Not so.  What I have discovered is that the corners are sometimes left and sometimes right, and sometimes just zigzags. This is still progress, and in fact, it’s all part of the predictable process. Who knew?!? This is what I wanted to hear, to know, by about a week after Kevin died…how long this would take, what would happen, etc.

The trick is that not everyone goes through things at the same rate or in exactly the same way. It turns out I am in Stage 4 of the 6 stages, and that is affirming to me. I’m normal, I’m past the “danger zone,” I’m rocking my new life as well as anyone. More than this, though, I was guided through an exercise to help me figure out what my fears are (and yes, I have them like everyone else). It wasn’t what I expected, but it was a revelation. And it immediately made sense to me, and made sense of my last year, and made sense about my future. I know you’re curious what it could possibly be, but let’s just say it’s personal.

Anyway, the point is, I am Solowingnow with winged arms, not leaded feet. I am eager, not anxious. I am throwing the doors wide open, not just cautiously peeking out the windows at my life.  It’s like I drank the Kool-Aid, the good kind, the sweet kind. Best of all, this Change Cycle work allows me to put my own fingerprints all over it, to truly make a Duggan Difference with it.  My friend Karn reminded me today of what I used to tell her: when the student is ready, the teacher will come.  Well, this student is ready, and my teachers came in the form of a friend with a recommendation of a book to read and the book itself.  Interestingly, Diane has referred to this book for the past 2 years, and it’s only now that I was hearing her. Imagine that. I wasn’t ready then.

Couple this with the Access Consciousness studying I’ve been doing and you can see that my energy is flowing, good things are happening, more is on the way, and I’m open to receiving it all.

As for that other change, can you believe that I haven’t had a single night sweat in about a month?!?? And I haven’t even had to get up to pee.  What do you say to that???  Coincidence? I think not.  I think it’s finally the right time.  My time. My turn. My way. Gosh-Almighty, it’s good to be me right now!

Living with Questions

09 Thursday Mar 2017

Posted by in Gratitude, Traditions, Transformation

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There is something about someone dying that makes you question death, and now I know there is something about living that makes you question life, too.  Lately, I’ve been in the mode of exploring both, through questions, more questions, better questions, trying to not have to force answers. It’s a challenge sometimes for me to be patient, but today was one of those days it was easy.

I’ve accepted the New Age philosophy that if something keeps showing up in your life, you should pay attention. Over the past 40 years in total, but really over the past 20 years or so, and specifically over the past couple of years, I’ve been introduced to people, books, ideas, and beliefs that I’ve now accepted are meant to be for me. And that has to do with my worldview or belief system about what works and what doesn’t work for me, what is effective or ineffective.  When some words, ideas, people just won’t go away, it’s time to engage instead of ignore. Let it not be said I couldn’t learn a new trick, even if it took me a while.

So I’m working hard, consciously, deliberately, to move away from a mental model that uses judgment, conclusion, right and wrong, and good and bad, as the way to view what goes on around and within me. When what used to work doesn’t work any longer, I am pretty quick to make a change. When something comes along that is just different, outside the scope of my experience, interesting, and even exotic in some ways, where I used to hesitate I’m happy to report that I have opened up to further exploration. That’s a hard row to hoe sometimes. I’ve got a lifetime of conditioning to overcome.

But today I hosted a group of women friends to discuss and explore energetic wellness and an active consciousness of possibility for improved  health and energy.  I wish I had pictures to prove it, because in this day and age, it seems that those are requirements, but trust me – it DID happen!  I coordinated having two new friends come to demonstrate some complements of energy healing I’ve barely been acquainted with. I really liked how Mary, one of the women, gently explained that she wasn’t here to heal any of us; that we are our own healers, and she was here to help us figure out better ways to do that. I want more of that! Whether it is through releasing blocked energy, or clearing emotional trauma through the use of oils and crystals infused with frequencies, or anything else, one of the messages for me today was that times have indeed changed, and so have I, or at least I’m ready for change.

Equal to that, finding a supportive environment in which to do that is a blessing I am well aware of. I remember when my uncle George used to go to a local chiropractor, way back in the day, and there were whispers that he was going to a “quack.” But it worked for him and he kept going, and they found it hard to diss the results. There are still miles of imagination between other forms of alternative healing and the traditional Western forms of medicine, at least in my family history, but that, too, is changing. So for me to find a group of women I respect that were open to this gathering was way cool for me. Now when I have questions, or thoughts and ideas, I don’t have to go it alone, feeling strange about it, hiding it.  I have peeps!

Kevin was a traditionalist and conservative about quite a few things, and health was one of those matter-of-fact issues for him.  Take 2 aspirin and call me in the morning! But one of the ways he showed his love for me was to listen to me when I had “far out” ideas, or read a book I thought he should read so we could talk about it, or go see a movie that pushed the edges of the envelope. The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran is my all-time favorite book, and I remember when he tried to read it.   He didn’t “get it,” but still he honored me and wanted to learn what was so special about it for me. When we visited Washington DC a few years later, although he never did read the entire book, he discovered there was a Kahlil Gibran meditation garden not far from our hotel, and he encouraged me to go visit it (no, he didn’t go with me). That’s the kind of guy he was, letting me be me and do my thing.  We were pretty good at agreeing to disagree, but always with high regard and care. (You should have seen his face when I put Vic’s Vapor Rub on his toenails to help with the fungus, or when I got him to drink Throat Coat tea one time (and one time only) !!!)

I miss being able to talk to him about this new energy wellness thing I’m into. I’m learning, though, that I can still share it if I’m willing to accept that I can’t see him; that’s not my go-to way, though. The new way, the question is: What if he is here, and I just don’t see him? Am I willing to accept that I’m not alone, that he’s near still? I do have to be very conscious about this right now; can’t wait until it’s second nature.  Anyway, he would have been skeptical, I’m sure, but he would have listened and informed himself at least enough to have a reasonable conversation with me about it.  The poetic justice in this is that it was his dying that was the catalyst to a different way of thinking for me.  Being here on this earth without him physically has given me the time and the space and the urge to do this kind of exploring. Luckily, thankfully, I have found support with new friends. I don’t miss him less, but I understand better this circle of life somehow because of this twisted (in a good way) connectedness. It feels right, and I know he would totally accept that.

So tonight I’m wearing a new frequency-infused pendant, and I even got one for Buddy because of his ailments and other aging issues. Three of my friends got their “bars” run and two were enthusiastic about it; the third one is still deciding.  I’m excited about thinking in terms of questions instead of conclusions.  I’m thrilled to feel accepted by my friends who are exploring this with me. And the next time I talk to Kevin, I’m going to tell him so, although I’m pretty sure he already knows how I feel. He probably just loves that he is the one with the answers now. And I’m okay with that. He earned that. I’m just glad he’s on my side still.