If you’ve found yourself living an UNEXPECTED LIFE (voluntarily or not) because of a major life event that caused you to question your self identity, we probably have more than a few things in common. Have you felt that time is either dragging or running out, felt vulnerable and knew it, felt embarrassed or ashamed or guilty, been exhausted and unable to restore yourself, doubted yourself, been lonely, and been confused? Yeah, me, too. And it frustrated me.

Fortunately, I also know it’s possible to CREATE AN AMAZING LIFE despite all this. I know the difference between setbacks, mishaps and tragedies. I am learning (and willing to help others) understand change, especially if it resulted from loss and caused grief. (But there are changes that still impact us even if they are good ones!) It doesn’t matter if you have been impacted by the death of someone close, had a change in employment status, found yourself in a financial crisis, had a relationship break up, etc.  I am learning to find the bridge that gets you from where you are to where you are going. (PS-it’s true that not all change is bad!)

I’ve been married and unmarried, divorced and widowed. I am a mom, grandma, sister, aunt, and friend. I used to be a a wife, daughter, stepmom, employee, and boss. I’ve climbed the ladder of success and now I’m doing my own thing solo (but not alone unless I want to be) to best deal with changes –past, present, and future.  I currently live with three critters of the rescued dog variety, I sometimes drive a neat little blue convertible, I camp (actually, I stay in a camper sometimes but I’m not a weekend warrior), I like to paint (walls and furniture) and color (pictures).  I read a LOT, and I write.

One of my favorite quotes is The only reason to do anything is as an expression of who you are, by Neale Donald Walsch, from Conversations with God. My all-time favorite book (since high school) is The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran, and I even got a tattoo a couple of years ago to represent a passage in that book that captures my philosophy of life. You’ll have to ask me about that if you want to know more!

In late 2015, I started this blog titled Solowingnow, a word I made up to reflect that I was navigating my life solo, as a new widow, testing my wings but not quite feeling single, trying to stay upright in the present moment. I kept reminding myself of Kahlil Gibran’s words about Children – they are not your children, they are Life’s longing for itself. He said they are like arrows that spring forth from the Archer’s hand, going swift and far. And all while the strong and stable bow is needed, loved, and appreciated.

I am that arrow, still flying, going forward, sometimes swiftly, occasionally wobbly, usually far enough to let me experience my life fully. I fly from the bow of my parents and other ancestors, and from the two marriages I’ve entered. My bow is also comprised of the teachers and other people I’ve met, the jobs I’ve held, the books I’ve read, the places I’ve seen, the things that make up a life. I, too, am a bow, steady and strong and stable, sending my children, and now my husband, and a few dogs, maybe even friends and former employees, into their own futures, in this world and the next. I am grateful every single day for the opportunity to experience my true self in this lifetime.

This blog is about how now I’m still taking bigger steps toward my future. Getting organized. Positioning my kids to someday deal with the business of my life. Decluttering and pre-“death cleaning.” And preparing myself for downsizing – my house, my stuff, my obligations. Simplifying my routines. And creating space for whatever comes next. Follow me on this journey, share your tips or experiences, and watch what happens next!