I can’t just sit home any longer.  I’m itching to DO something.  I need to put my reflections and loose conclusions about my life into some context; that is what is at the heart of a sabbatical.  So I am thinking of a solo (+2 dogs) road trip  across the USA , or possibly a Road Scholar (travel & learn) trip to Cuba for a few weeks.  I think there needs to be some adventure aspect to all this, not only because it gives you good stories to tell (ha!) but because that’s how we know we are alive and remember what is important and a priority.  Being alive is what it’s all about for me – I MUST prove to myself that even though Kevin is gone, I have a life here on Earth yet, and it’s a good one.  So today I took a step in the right direction.  Women might relate – I went to a new hairdresser today.

New place, a somewhat random choice (although I don’t really believe in that kind of randomness), certainly a spontaneous stop (another thing I don’t really believe, i.e., there are no accidents). This place is called Jon’s Salon. I passed it on the way to the Veterinarian Clinic this morning to take in dog “samples” for testing (another story).  Jon is  normally closed on Mondays. He normally only takes appointments, not walk-ins. His salon is next door to the place I was thinking I’d go.  (Get all the dots connected here?)  So Jon welcomes me in while he is finishing up another woman (the one he opened for specifically), tells me I look like I need to “get some sass back!”  and invites me to have a seat.  He tells me he does not like my current haircut and that he can fix it if I want but I have to ask him to fix it. So I do.  The man was incredible.  He showed me why he was using a razor instead of a scissors, how he was doing things, asking about my life and making sure the cut would be appropriate.  He was funny and inspiring and quite a playful guy.  I like the cut – it’s not wild and crazy, just a little spunkier than I’ve had it in a while. He does not like the conservative look on me, and I’d better plan to keep the silver because he LOVES it!! He is sure that this new look says I am “mod, confident, and sassy now.”   I left there feeling like a million bucks, for the price of  $40. 

I actually do feel like I want to go out and be seen.  Is it the cut, or Jon’s enthusiasm, or my belief in my good decision to stop there?  Even little moments like this,  just being open to new people and new experiences, help us know we are on the right track to aliveness. I don’t want to jump out of an airplane or sail around the Cape, but I am ready to take some small risks.  It’s amazing what a haircut and a fabulous stylist can do.  People have said my sabbatical was a bold act.  I may just feel brave enough right now to put some things in motion.  After all, Jon saw zest in me and wanted to help it come out (he said that!). 

I was reminded that our lives need texture to show us we are alive, to inspire us to put our thoughts in context, to keep things simple, and to reach deep for our feelings. Those things Kevin and I were planning to do were all set aside last year; I thought I wouldn’t want to do them alone. Kevin used to call me sassy when I beat him at Scrabble.  I think he sent me to Jon’s door today, to tell me it’s time. I’m not like Stella looking to get her groove back; I’m just feeling … ready.  Ah, it’s been a very good day.