I broke the rules today, and I’m paying the price in guilty feelings. I’m usually a rule-follower, so yes, I do feel slightly naughty. (wink)
When I started this sabbatical, I decided that I needed to be disciplined in order to fulfill my goals of recovery and positioning myself for The Next Big Thing. Rule No. 1 was to get dressed every day. I suppose you could say that I’ve only bent this one, since it’s barely 5 pm, and technically I could go get dressed yet. But it’s unlikely. And wouldn’t you know it, the Schwan’s truck showed up today, and now the Scott’s Lawn Service guy is here. Both drivers were too polite to say anything but when I showed up at the door in a blue fuzzy robe and slippers, they did raise their eyebrows just a smidge!
I didn’t set out to work in my pajamas; the day just got away from me. Truly, I have been working at my computer all day. I have completed 6 of 9 items on my To-Do list, and finishing this post will make No. 7. One of the items was to check my access to the John Maxwell Team resources, since I haven’t been on that site in a v-e-r-y long time, and I am interested in starting up another study session of the 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership. I not only was able to sign in immediately, but I then listened to two archived calls, one by Malissa West and one by Paul Martinelli, for nearly 2 hours of webinar time. I also did a bit of research on local professional photographers for a head shot session and responded to several emails related to the NSA Speaker Academy course I am enrolled in. I’ve spent less than a half hour on Facebook and that was only to check out the John Maxwell Group’s site.
As fun as it sounds to work in your pajamas, it’s not really. I have had a wide range of feelings in the past year+; this one is what cheating feels like. I only took a quick break to grab two hard boiled eggs and make a cup of tea for lunch, as if I didn’t deserve to take a real lunch break. In my own home, legitimately “working”! What’s really odd is that yesterday afternoon I had another dip in my emotions, that slippery slide down where I suddenly (and yes, it was sudden) felt down and on the verge of tears falling. I don’t know what precipitated it; I know I was aware of it as it happened, and I tried to recall what might have been a trigger, but it was such an ordinary kind of afternoon, and nothing stuck out. I checked -it’s been 27 days since my last funk. I’m thinking that this is my hormones trying to rage on but not finding much purchase. I never was much of a PMS-er but I did have an ugly time going through menopause. The good news is that as soon as I recognized the dip, I told myself that it just meant it was time to take extra good care of myself for a bit. So I went out to dinner. And then I went to bed early. Today I feel good – which is why I got to my desk right after my cereal and first cup of coffee – I had a plan and energy enough to work the plan today.
But tomorrow I will shower and dress first thing, partly because I have a 10 o’clock meeting and Toastmasters at lunch. Staying social was one of my other rules, and I haven’t broken that one. I know how important it is to be connected and feel like I belong. Funny thing about that – twice in the past two days, I have gone somewhere and ran into people I know. One was my neighbor when I went to a coffee date, and another was a fellow Toastmaster when I went to dinner last night. There’s nothing like being recognized outside of the usual context of where we know people from. It’s one thing to have a planned meeting; it’s another when getting dressed and going out results in not just a casual hello but a conversation. So it seems like another good reason to get out of pajamas – you never know when you’ll want to step out or be invited to coffee.
It wasn’t as if I had a Ferris Bueller day off. I just didn’t make it upstairs to get dressed. Maybe working in my pajamas might seduce me into never wanting to get dressed again, like a problem drinker just having one drink to relax. If that’s the case, I might need therapy again. It still feels weird. I think I’ll go put on some sweat pants at least and eat dinner like a civilized person.