I wasn’t planning to write every day, and maybe not even every week; only when I had something I felt compelled to share, like adventures, mishaps, growing pains, revelations, and such. So I just posted yesterday about my and Dee’s encounter with a bald eagle last week. And I’ve had not only a great response (thank you!) but questions have now come up that I’m exploring in relation to this event.

A little (or a lot of) Backstory

First, I have to say that I’ve been on a spiritual journey for years; in fact, since I studied The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran my senior year of high school. After a Catholic upbringing, I now irreverently quip that I’m a recovering Catholic. Except that so many of those rituals infuse my life still today. I was married in the Catholic church, and baptized all three of my babies in the Catholic faith. Two even made their First Holy Communions as Catholics. The third received his first communion and was confirmed as a Lutheran when he was in about the 5th or 6th grade, in large part because the youth group was going on a ski trip and he was invited along. So began our journey in Lutheranism for a while. I felt obligated to give my kids some kind of faith foundation, fully expecting they would find their own way someday.

As it happened, I took my first big step away from Catholicism during marital counseling with my first husband, when our priest not just casually but very confidently said that our issues were my fault. Mine, because “obviously,” I had failed my husband by not being a good wife. I had left the door open for the devil, and in walked temptation. All my bad. None his. If any of you have ever been married, you know it takes two to tango. And if any of you have ever met me, you know I did not take that sitting down. In fact, I asked him to repeat what he had said, and when he did just as I thought he said the first time, I grabbed my purse, stood up, and huffed out the door, never to return to that priest or his church again.

(I promise I’m getting to the part about the eagle, hang in there.)

A year or so later, I tried again to return to my faith, at another Catholic church, with a priest who happened to be the son of my in-laws’ friends and a brother to our sometimes babysitter. His mother had died that year, and it was now Christmas season. In a sermon one Sunday, he lamented the changes in family structure and said that this Christmas was doubly sad for him because his mother was gone, and now his sister was too busy to take on the mother’s traditions, wouldn’t even take the time to help him buy his Christmas gifts, and declined to host Christmas at her home because she didn’t have time. Once again, I heard the message that women were responsible for the downfall of families and the current state of things. From a man who would never have a wife and children and could not relate to my life and seemed to not be interested in my point of view. I again used my skill at walking out, this time in the middle of a mass. The times I have returned to a Catholic service have been few and far between since then – a wedding, Christmas once at my mother’s request, my mom’s funeral, a baptism when I was the chosen godmother but had to officially be a “guest,” because I wasn’t a member of a church.

I digress, but ever since high school I have been asking questions to which I didn’t get answers and so struggled uphill until I gave in and just went with the flow for a while. But from the early 90’s and still today, I have searched and searched for a new church. I tried being a Lutheran, an Episcopalian, a Unitarian, and also visited Methodist, Church of Religious Science, and Unity services. I read books like The Celestine Vision, the Life of Pi, I’m Spiritual Dammit!, Outrageous Openness, and six or seven of the Conversations with God books. I did Al-Anon and ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) along the way, too. The self-esteem movement? Yep, did it. Messages from The Universe? Yep, get them daily in my inbox. And these days I have incense, essential oils, crystals, chakra flags, and energy healing in my repertoire. I’m even certified as a chakra healer and an Access Bars something. And I do tarot readings for myself.

Signs

Which bring me to the rest of my story … or at least Part 2. I actively work on trusting my intuition, and I believe in “signs.” Signs like an eagle swooping down to have a good look at me and let me have a good look at him. I am very much the student yet; I have a fervent wish that I had the wherewithal in the moment I witnessed this eagle’s attention to see it for what it was (or could have been). I could have asked him why he was there, what he wanted me to know.

You see, I maybe retired a little too early, and eight years later, although I keep busy, I have days when I wonder just what the hell I am supposed to be doing on this Earth. I know, I know! And having a job isn’t it, that much I am absolutely positive about. I’m supposed to “be,” not “do.” I’m working on that. So that begs the question, what or who am I supposed to be? I am confident that I am a child of God, that we are all One, that I am enough just as I am. I am also pretty sure that I have been blessed with a gift of some kind that I can/must share with the world, to help make it a better place, although I am not exactly sure what the gift is, if it is even a discrete quantifiable observable thing and not just a quality of character.

Reading 1

So the eagle. Before the eagle incident, I already had decided to revive this Solowingnow blog, and I had posted my first new post, despite having doubts about my level of commitment. I did a tarot reading the other day, pre-eagle, using a layout I call “the way forward.”

he first card is about what I need to reorganize in my life. I pulled the Four of Earth, which speaks to Security. The message of manifestation is to rest in apparent insecurity while stepping out from behind the scenes. (Yay me! I had already published my first new post.) Okay then.

Card two was about prioritizing a part of my life: the Star came up. It reminds me of my own gifts, whatever they may be. It’s about the power of giving and that the ability to give is a gift. (I give my time. I foster dogs, I serve on my HOA Board, I volunteer for the local Democratic party.) And now I’m giving my thoughts and energy to the world through the blog. Huh.

Card three is about letting go of negative thoughts about something, and my card was the Sun. I need to let go of negative thoughts about being unable to trust myself. These double negatives are tricky! The Sun tells me that with the dawning of new awareness about myself, change happens. Sure enough, the simple act of creating one blog post has me feeling pretty good about myself, like I’m contributing not just my time or money but my Self. And that feeling is deep.

Finally, card four is about making space for something. I drew the Ace of Fire, a sign of rising strength, with a message to “forge ahead full steam and with great confidence.” Your words of encouragement bore out the rightness of my decision to try again.

Yes, there can be many interpretations of these cards. What I believe is in no way any kind of threat to you. There is nothing for you to fear in relation to how I see this reading, or that I do these readings all. But in a nutshell, I took it as a sign that what I have to say may inform or entertain or support or provoke thought in a reader somewhere. And I’m on the right path.

As if that wasn’t enough validation from the Universe, though, I had the eagle encounter. It could have been just something that happened that day. Then I thought and thought and thought about it, couldn’t stop thinking about it. I wrote a post and published it, and got a supportive reaction.

Reading 2

Today I did another card reading, because I had this sense (intuition surely) that the eagle was symbolic somehow, that it wasn’t random, that there was a message hidden in the wind. This time I did a five-card reading, with the intention to reveal more about what the eagle wanted me to know.

The first card is about intuition; what is my Intuition telling me. I drew the card of Balance. It is telling me to step back and look within, to be still and be patient with myself. To let the answers come to me. I think it means I can let go of my questions now, that I have done the work and more energy will come to me without my having to look outside myself.

The second card corresponds to what my Body is telling me. I drew the card of Integration. It has to do with bringing about balance and merging my male and female energies. The card shows many birds (colorful eagles?) flying up and away. The message is about having faith, relaxing, and being kind to myself, so that I, too, can rise up and soar. Well, well, well.

Card three is what my Emotions are telling me. I drew the Star again. Interesting! There are 78 cards in this deck, and I drew the same card as last week. The Star is about giving of my gift. Could this be an acknowledgement that my writing or storytelling is meant to be my gift?

Card four is a message from my Spirit. And wouldn’t you know it, front and center is an eagle on this card, the Small Medicine Wheel. It relates to the wheel of fortune and tells me that the eagle is watching over my path and that I will be safely transported into a new phase of my life. I can trust my intuition, which will help me to push my work forward. I’m getting the warm fuzzies by now!

The last card is what my Life is trying to tell me, and the card is the Son of Fire. In essence it’s about courage and creativity. It tells me – Life is telling me – that my flagging courage is rekindled, that circumstances are changing for the better, and one of my deepest desires is being fulfilled. Yippee ki aye!!!

Again, this is how I interpret the reading, but based on the guidebook that comes with the card set. Putting it all together, with the intention of understanding the eagle visit, I have the sense that it was important but it’s passed now, to let it go and relax, to keep doing what I’m doing BECAUSE I have divine guidance and support.

Can’t Leave Good Enough Alone

But then, because I’m just wired this way, I did some research on eagles and their spiritual meaning, too. Quora says that when you see an eagle, it means you are being put on notice, to reach higher and become more than I think I am capable of. Spirithoods says that the eagle is a symbol of divine protection and spiritual guidance. Someone is watching over me and protecting me. Wellandgood says that spotting an eagle may be your sign to go for it, that it’s an invitation to go after your biggest dreams. Wikihow says eagles are messengers between the earthly and spirit worlds and they symbolize the ability to embrace your true potential. Particularly when one seems to be close rather than soaring overhead, it is a message between humans and the Creator, that there is a source of strength and security supporting you in achieving your goals. A lot of commonality here.

Finally, the message

All that is a long way around of letting you know that the encounter was scary in the moment but is now reassuring to me. I am also taking it as a sign that I have much to learn, such as being more in the moment, to keeping an open mind and not passing judgment too quickly, and to trusting myself and my skills/gifts (whether driving a car or writing or hugging a puppy). The fact that I am not a church-goer does not mean I don’t believe in a Higher Power or that I reject all things inside of religion. In fact, I believe many things, powers, sources, guides, are all true at the same time. I believe there is a purpose to being on this Earth. I believe in the seen and unseen, and that feelings are as valid as sightings. I believe seeking out more understanding, especially about how we (and all things) are connected. I believe everything matters. I believe there is a lot I do not know, that the world is more than we know, and that it’s okay to take whatever time it takes to experience this life. And I believe that everything that happens is good, or at least necessary. In my case, last week, today, I believe the eagle came my way for reasons I don’t know, but at least one of them was to get me thinking differently about life.

What this means for my passenger Dee I do not know. It could all mean something entirely different to her, if anything at all. And that is okay. It’s all good.