As you know, I’ve been actively engaged in a decluttering and possible downsizing project for the past year or so. As I explored the finer details of choosing things to let go of or to pass along or to keep, the advice I heard about moving first and then disposing of whatever didn’t fit in the new place seemed to make sense. Except that I wasn’t in the group that could afford to buy a new place while keeping the old place for a while; I would need the sale of the old place to fund the new place. But I did get excited about looking at the options for a new place. Lo and behold! An opportunity snuck in the back door, and too soon I was off to the races, planning how I could me-ify the new place. In the end, that opportunity did not work out, as the seller changed her mind. Luckily, I had made great progress in reducing my volume of Stuff, and had not listed my present home for sale yet. But I was ready, just in case.

Some of this had been prompted by a visit to the Emergency Room at the local hospital, via local ambulance. Which resulted in many doctor visits, many more tests including a biopsy (benign!), and a fresh perspective on What’s Really Important. There’s nothing like seeing that light at the tunnel and thinking it could be the end of the line. At times like that, one’s priorities start to become clearer and clearer. But if you stall long enough, you’ll just keep getting messages from The Universe.

Back in in 1991, I had a moment like that. One of my kids became ill and spent some time in a hospital. It didn’t take long to realize that the cost of eating fast food was offset by the time it would take to shop, cook, and clean up when I had doctor and patient visits and physical therapy and other appointments to juggle, plus a full-time job and two other children to give attention to. Lesson learned: the kids were at the top of my list of priorities, and all else would wait.

Then in 1997, I had a moment like that again. The house I was living in was about to take on the flood waters of the Red River. Eight sump pumps could not keep up with the leakage in the sand bags. My home was compromised, and I had to vacate. The To-Do List was short: Make a plan for the safety of my kids and the friends helping us out, and then get rid of the food that will spoil when the electricity is cut off. We took enough clothes to last a week, and I grabbed the box of important papers and the photo albums. Everything else was expendable in that moment. It wasn’t hard for me to decide at all. You never know for sure what might happen when push comes to shove, but I was pushed, and I was confident in my decisions. Lesson learned: Safety is a plan. The kids were at the top of the list, and the rest was just money.

And then last year, I was faced with a medical crisis. Push was shoving again. I had been planning for about four months to take a dream trip that was almost 50 years in the making. I had joined the Army out of high school and was stationed in Germany. A girlfriend and I planned a weekend trip to Vienna, Austria, a place I had been fascinated since my days of reading trashy historical romance novels. My soon-to-be husband (and future ex-husband) did not like the idea at all and pressured me to not go if he couldn’t come along. So I didn’t go. The 18-year-old me naively thought that he must love me a lot to put up such a fuss. Well, now it was almost 50 years later, I still hadn’t been to Vienna, and so one day I made a plan to go. Solo this time. I didn’t even tell anyone for a long while… except my pet sitter. And then I fainted one day and ended up at ER.

Amidst the medical journey, I decided I was going on this trip, no ifs, ands, or buts. If I was dying, I was going as my last hurrah. If I wasn’t dying, everything else would wait. And I lived to tell about it. After all that, it seemed it was a false alarm, a fluke, an anomaly. I will tell you about my trip some other time, but trust me, it was a Bucket List trip come to life. Lesson learned: I was also on the list of priorities, and also, time waits for no one.

I got another fluke warning in February, but all else seemed well, so I ignored it. In June I booked another Bucket List trip: this one to Machu Picchu in Peru, also the result of a book I had read back in the day. In July, two more blips on the radar screen, and I became a little worried. In August, I saw the doctor, and just to be safe, a cardiologist. In September, more tests, more doctors, more worries. The trip was on the calendar for October, and so I prepared. I had been physically “training” by walking a few miles every few days. I got my meds together and wrote out a list of my them, along with emergency contact info for my kids. I got a note from my doctor in case I ended up in a hospital in Peru. I packed my blood pressure machine, and took an oximeter, too, just for luck. I even bought extra medical transport insurance. I labeled the binder with the estate documents in it “This One!!” in case the kids were scrambling through my home office to find it. Then I got on a plane and went to check off another Bucket List trip.

Since I’m here typing this, you know I made it back alive (and well enough). Lesson learned: Be smart, prepare, and then go have a good time. To wait for a better time might mean it will never happen.

And now, it’s back to doctor’s offices and taking a new pill. I’m not dying, except that we all are … someday … going to go. There is a lot more decluttering I could do. But I’m not worried that my kids will whine if they have to be the ones to sort through what’s left. It’ll be the price they pay for having me as their mom – a mom who willingly put them first until she could put herself first in good conscience, who dared to dream and planned for making those dreams come true, who kept getting up each time she was pushed over or fell down on her own, who read adventure books and went off on her own adventures, and who has some stuff to show for it. Some day I might not be able to go explore the world as I’d like, so just in case, I’m already dreaming of the next place I want to go.

I’m happy to say, though, that my souvenir shopping in Peru (as it was in Budapest, Vienna, Regensburg, Bratislava, and Prague last year) was done more deliberately than in the past, as in “What’s going to go out if I bring this in?” “Who will get this if I don’t keep it myself?” “Will a picture do instead?” Most of my shopping was for Christmas presents this year, so not only did I get one-of-a-kind things but I saved time! I have no desire to pare down so far that all I have left is memories, but that said, I do plan to keep making memories. And that is the trade-off for decluttering now instead of waiting for some day when I can’t travel: I have more time for the priorities, more money for the trips, more stories to share- just in case I run out of days.

As for the downsized house, it turns out I have fallen in love again with my current home. I’m researching options to age in place, which could mean remodeling to accommodate a first-floor primary suite. Or it could mean a chair lift or elevator. Or something else. Just in case, I like to have a Plan B (for building) and a Plan C (for compromising) and a Plan D, too (not just for decluttering or downsizing, but for deciding and doing and dreaming). The work I did last year prepared me well, so I already have a starting point, just in case I want to pick up where I left off.