Today is my  last day of paid employment for maybe up to a year. Note I didn’t say my last day of “work,” since my sabbatical is intended to be the work of finding myself and moving toward a more fulfilling future.  I have plenty to get done yet today so I’m sure I’ll be at the office all day.

I thought I might feel more excited than I do about the prospects. Instead, I feel slightly hesitant. This will be the first time since 1977 that I have not had work to go to every day. Even when I was on maternity leave, I knew what I was going back to.  And when I freelanced after Gabe was born, I had work lined up for weeks ahead of time. But that time was truly some of the best I ever had. Not only did I make more money working part time than I had full time, but I was working for myself, shopped when the aisles at the grocery store were not crowded, attended daytime school events with the kids, and just spent time being a wife and mother. I knew where I belonged. It was what I had been raised to do, and it fit me. Then.

Now, today, this minute, I’m not sure where I belong. I’m no longer a wife, my kids are grown with children of their own – miles and miles away, and I have nowhere I have to be on any given day, nothing particular I must do.  I expected a feeling of happy release, but instead, I feel alone.

I was talking to my brother the other day.  I know he was teasing when he made the comment about “now that you have nothing to do…” but I’m sure he was curious about exactly what I would be doing.  And others have hinted at the same thing. They think this sabbatical of mine is just an extended vacation, during which time I’ll laze around in my pj’s, watch soap operas, and eat bon-bons all day.  It’s up to me to not just tell them, but show them, that I am taking this time off seriously, as a way to get clear on how I really want to be spending my time, aligning my values with my calendar.

That will take some self-discipline, which I think all work-from-homers deal with.  Today, for example, you would find me still in my pj’s right now, and it’s 3:36 in the afternoon. But I’m sick, and have been for almost a week now.  The doc says rest, so that is what I am trying to do.  And besides, my sabbatical doesn’t officially start until 5:01 pm on Friday. Today is still paid sick leave, which goes away when I give up my paid job.

So I’m making a few rules for myself – to remind me and the rest of the world, that I am working my plan.  Part of my plan, though, is to rest and recover from a year of high stress, so I will be kind to myself.  With that in mind, here are the rules I’m making:

1.  I will get dressed every day … right after breakfast, which is what I would do if I had a “real” job.  Unless I’m sick, when maximum comfort prevails.
2. I will make my bed everyday, which is also what I do now.   Unless I’m sick and sleeping in it.
3. I will stay in touch with the outside world.  I will go to Toastmasters weekly, and my writing group monthly, at a minimum.  But I won’t get so busy that I forfeit time for myself.
4. Even though I’ll be on a strict budget, I will splurge and buy only Kleenex brand tissues. Because the store brand had made my nose sore and my fingertips aren’t happy to pull them out of the box.

I  won’t make any more rules until I’m feeling better.  But I think this is a good start.

Last night I started the physical transition piece of my sabbatical.  I emptied two bookcases that were in my Diva Den and hall landing area upstairs, and I slid them down the staircase and shuffled them into place in my home office. I had to take things off the walls and move two bookcases already in the office.  (Read: I like books!)  I have some bare spaces upstairs now, but once I get that gun cabinet chic’d up, it’ll look great up there.  As for the office, I think I’m going to like it as well, but I probably have to get rid of the nice recliner.

Today I went to the other office and packed up six (yes, 6) boxes, and one briefcase with the books and other items I’ve kept there, some wall art, and a few of the colored markers, extra coffee cups, personal toiletries, etc. that accumulated over my time here. I probably have another 2-3 boxes of stuff yet to pack up…files, other desk paraphernalia, food, Kleenex, etc.  It’s odd to think of packing up a 25 year career in a few boxes.  And now I have no wall space at home to hang extra pictures or bulletin boards, so the work of prioritizing begins.  But I’m a saver (not a hoarder) and some day my kids and grandkids will be joyous at finding the special “art work” they have made me over the years, so I save on.

And while I’m transitioning out of one phase of my life to await the discovery of The Next Big Thing, today I also moved in the direction of making new connections in the areas of support and encouragement. I attended the NSA-Virginia meeting here in town and met a soul sister. We had lunch after the meeting and found we have a lot in common.  She is Liz, a Whole-Being Well-Being Whiz, and she helps busy people claim health, wealth, and happiness.  I am excited at the prospect of attending a retreat at her place on the Eastern Shore, to learn about creating a meditation practice and developing some other essential wellness habits.

Good things are happening!

I am excited, and a teensy bit scared, and excited, and anxious, and excited, and oh so ready to start this quest for The Next Thing I’ll do. After the R&R.

Interestingly, today I got a “random” email request from a publishing house asking if I was working on a motivational book and would be willing to talk to the CEO.  Maybe someday, but not today, and not tomorrow, and not for a while yet.

I hope I can stay strong and say No and Yes at the right times…