• About Me & How I Can Help

Solowingnow

~ Dealing with change doesn't mean starting over; it's about how you transition from wherever you are right now to the next place.

Solowingnow

Tag Archives: Grief

Words for a New Widow

30 Wednesday Sep 2020

Posted by Pat in Friends, Grief

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Grief, New widow

Today I learned that the husband of a neighbor died three days ago. In an instant, I was transported to the first days after Kevin died almost six years ago. Shirley came to see me. We hadn’t lived here a year yet, and I had a full-time job so hadn’t gotten to know many of the neighbors. I didn’t even recognize her but that didn’t stop her. She knew I was here alone and didn’t hesitate to take me under her wing. She came back the next day and asked what I needed, and I still wasn’t sure what her name was! Luckily, my sister had arrived and made her own introduction to help me out.

I prepared to take Kevin’s cremains to South Dakota for a memorial service, and she offered to help another neighbor take care of our dogs while I was gone. (It didn’t happen because Buddy ended up needing veterinary surgery care, but that’s another story.) Now, that’s generous.

When I came home about a week later, she called and insisted I go out to supper with her and her husband. I still remember it; we went to Uno for a burger. Uno is a restaurant I had not been to before, and now it’s not even there any longer.

A week after that, she just happened to have an extra ticket to a local big deal, a Christmas concert at her church. I didn’t really want to go but she talked me into it, and I am grateful she did. It was a kindness of the true holiday spirit, and it did uplift me.

She checked in on me from time to time after that. I would see either her or her husband walking their dogs, or at lunch, or the garden center, and just here and there. By now, I have recommended a hair stylist to her (she loved my cut but did not like the stylist or her cut), have borrowed her fondue pot, asked her advice about my consulting business, and given her rides to lunch. I know her much better now.

And yet, grief over the loss of a spouse — any grief, but especially this one — is so very personal that I am hesitant to intrude. Her children and grandchildren are arriving, and I don’t want to be in the way.

I have created my own sympathy card and will take it to her tomorrow. This is my message for her.

The Thing About Grief…

I was swept off my feet with the experience of losing someone special, too. But I don’t know how you feel about your loss or what your worries are.

I also had doubts about what I should do next, where I should be, how I was supposed to act or react. But I don’t know what kinds of doubts you have.

I felt the distress of wading into unfamiliar territory, the messiness of grief. But I don’t know what you find uncomfortable or awkward.

I can now recognize the joy that is mixed in with the sadness. Be kind to yourself, patient, and trust that you will have these kinds of discoveries, too. I’ll help you if you want me to.

I understand now that love does not end because he is gone, that grief does not last forever. You probably can’t see it yet. I’ll listen when you want to talk.

I am encouraged by knowing that every ending is followed by a new beginning. I believe you will grow from this experience. Yes, even at your age! I’ll help you celebrate when you are ready.

Nobody knows your grief except you. I can’t guess what you’re going through, and you couldn’t explain it all if you tried. That’s okay. You’re okay. You’ll do it right; there is no other way. That’s the thing about grief. 

–Solowingnow.com, Patricia Duggan

Rest in peace, Don. Rest, Shirley.

Advertisement

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook

Like this:

Like Loading...

Categories

  • Budgeting
  • Connecting the Dots
  • Dreaming
  • Friends
  • Gratitude
  • Grief
  • Making progress
  • New Biz
  • Reading
  • Sabbatical
  • Tips and Tricks
  • Traditions
  • Transformation
  • Uncategorized

Recent Posts

  • New Year, New Me (Again)
  • Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Not my strong suit.
  • Change is in the Air!
  • By the Numbers…
  • Gratitude Journals Another Way

Recent Comments

do1050 on New Year, New Me (Again)
Vikki Davenport on New Year, New Me (Again)
Denise Bridges on New Year, New Me (Again)
Phyllus reller on Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Not…
Denise Bridges on Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Not…

Archives

  • January 2023 (1)
  • September 2021 (1)
  • August 2021 (1)
  • July 2021 (1)
  • February 2021 (1)
  • December 2020 (1)
  • November 2020 (1)
  • September 2020 (3)
  • July 2020 (1)
  • June 2020 (2)
  • May 2020 (2)
  • April 2020 (2)
  • March 2020 (1)
  • February 2020 (1)
  • January 2020 (1)
  • December 2019 (2)
  • November 2019 (1)
  • May 2019 (2)
  • April 2019 (1)
  • March 2019 (1)
  • November 2018 (2)
  • September 2018 (2)
  • August 2018 (1)
  • July 2018 (1)
  • June 2018 (1)
  • April 2018 (2)
  • March 2018 (1)
  • February 2018 (2)
  • January 2018 (3)
  • December 2017 (1)
  • October 2017 (3)
  • September 2017 (1)
  • August 2017 (3)
  • July 2017 (2)
  • June 2017 (1)
  • May 2017 (3)
  • April 2017 (1)
  • March 2017 (2)
  • February 2017 (2)
  • January 2017 (4)
  • December 2016 (2)
  • November 2016 (3)
  • October 2016 (3)
  • September 2016 (4)
  • August 2016 (3)
  • July 2016 (6)
  • June 2016 (7)
  • May 2016 (7)
  • April 2016 (7)
  • March 2016 (8)
  • February 2016 (9)
  • January 2016 (10)
  • December 2015 (10)
  • November 2015 (10)
  • October 2015 (2)

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 184 other subscribers

Want to Talk? Contact me here

pat@solowingnow.com

Cell 757.359.0251

Whenever I'm awake, but not usually before 9 am or after 9 pm

Blog at WordPress.com.

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
  • Follow Following
    • Solowingnow
    • Join 69 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Solowingnow
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
%d bloggers like this: