Remember when you hadn’t gotten a job yet after we moved here, and I’d come home from my job and ask what you did all day? Sometimes I’d wonder how you could “just” sit in front of the computer or the TV all day. I understand now what you must have gone through, now that I’m home all day (well, most of the day, most of the time). You were always so patient with me, telling me the trivia of your day, and asking about mine. I took for granted the lawn being mowed or the dogs being cared for or the trash being out at the curb for pickup because you never made a big deal out of that.
I know now that sometimes it’s hard to even get the day going. For example, I’m out of milk so couldn’t have my usual cold cereal for breakfast. I hemmed and hawed til I finally decided on oatmeal and yogurt this morning. I went upstairs to get dressed, only to remember that I had to go back downstairs and get the clean laundry I washed yesterday. And fold and put it away. And make the beds in the guest rooms with clean sheets. And remake our bed because the dogs had destroyed it already.
I came down to the office to write this blog post. It was about 10:00 already. It’s taken me almost five hours to get to actually writing it. I decided to “quickly” check Facebook (turns out there is no such thing) and Linked In. Since I’ve decided to go gung-ho and start my own speaking business, I then decided I needed to update my profiles. I at least got Linked In done. And played a little with website design ideas. I’m sure you’re just smiling in recognition.
I got up to get a cup of tea, and the dogs thought it must be time to eat again. I must have said “no” a half dozen times, and I finally gave in to the whining and gave them a biscuit. Then I realized they hadn’t been outside in a few hours, so I quickly took them out.
This has repeated throughout the day. I see the grass should be cut, although I just did it last weekend. I checked the mail and see I have a new Cox bill. I haven’t reconciled the checkbook in a week or more. When I got back in the house, I ran around and did a pee-scan to make sure the boys hadn’t left a surprise somewhere in the house while I had been ignoring them earlier.
There isn’t anything here to eat for lunch since I didn’t get groceries this weekend. So I had the last apple. Now I’m thinking I should make a trip to the store, so a list is in the making.
It’s early afternoon, and while I have done at least one productive thing that counts as “work,” I haven’t gotten done anything else on that list of Things To Do.
All of this is the roundabout way of saying, I’m sorry if I ever came across as dismissive of the time you were home and I wasn’t. I can see now how a million little things get in the way of doing things. How you put up with me is a mystery. Even when you must been stressed or bored or tired, you always had dinner ready for me (or a plan to go somewhere). We were so new here, and you probably had no one else to talk to all day, and yet you let me do most of the talking. When I wanted to go to the library, or to a movie, or for a walk, or for a motorcycle ride, you were always willing to set aside your plans (unless it was hunting or fishing you had planned!) and come along with me. Thank you for keeping me company.
It’s more work than I knew to keep a house and yard maintained, and a relationship solvent. You were a quality partner and a best friend. We had our fights, but you made sure neither of us gave up on the other. I don’t know if I appreciated everything you did and how hard you worked to keep our lives afloat. When I get tired and feel like throwing a pity party because no one knows how I feel, I remember that you knew. You carried the load much of the time, even when I didn’t realize it or appreciate it. You give me strength now, too. I am so damn lucky to have you in my life. I wanted you to know that. I still love you, but I think I love you better now.
Always and forever, PQ
PS-I still can’t figure out your password to your old computer. If you get a minute, can you please send me another hint? The last one didn’t get me very far. Thanks!