Has it really been three months since my last post? I guess so! And if you look at my calendar, you’d see why…unfortunately. Then again, it’s been a summer of discovery, for lack of a better word. Discovery of new medical terminology. Discovery of the effects of what you put into your body. Discovery of airport codes and serendipitous travel packages. Discovery of the limits of health insurance policies. Discovery of the Domino Effect on home furnishings. Discovery of the benefits of journaling when there is no one to hold your hand at night…

Backstory

You might recall that I have been on a decluttering mission, with an eye toward downsizing from my 2600 sf house to maybe 1800 sf or less, and specifically a single-level home with a main floor primary bedroom and en suite. That was kicked into a high gear almost exactly one year ago, when I ended up in the E.R. due to a fainting episode at the eye doctor’s office. Called a “vasovagal” event, meaning I fainted and they don’t really know why, and which resulted in a couple of hours to fully regain consciousness and get my blood pressure stabilized.

At that time, I became very fearful of the stairs in my house, in part because I carry my about-12-year old dog up to bed every night. I could create a bedroom on the main floor but a shower is lacking. My house also requires a walk up 8 brick steps to enter my front door. I am a widow and live alone, except for three small dogs, all under 20 pounds. My fear (which I know is somewhat irrational) was that I could faint again and break my neck falling on the stairs inside, and no one would know or come to find me, eventually leaving my dogs abandoned and neglected, to die of starvation in their own embarrassing filth. I now acknowledge that while that could happen, I could also faint while sitting on the couch watching television, filling a glass with water, doing a load of laundry, or any number of other ways; thus, the stairs are not evil and it’s not necessary to eliminate them.

In any event, I stumbled across an opportunity to buy a house in my own neighborhood that met my needs quite nicely, but that deal fell through after about four months. Since then, I’ve casually attended a few other open houses, toured some model homes in new developments, and spent hours on Zillow dreaming up my ideal home. The thing is, the house I am in now is pretty close to my ideal home, except for the stairs. So of course, I have devised plans for adding a chair lift or an elevator, remodeling to convert a living/dining room to a bedroom suite, and so on.

To Move or Not to Move

The idea of moving can be overwhelming. This overthinker has already made the lists of what to keep and what to let go of, how to color code my possessions, prioritized the order of packing and unpacking, and made up “mood boards” to visualize what a new space could look like. For naught. Except that if I could do some of that in a new place, I could also do that in my current space. With that new thought in mind, I spent time this summer hunting for new furniture for my family room, and reorganizing my kitchen cupboards (including changing the knobs on the cabinets), propogated some house plants and replanted others, read a lot, and starting reloving my home.

A Little Bit of Travel

I also made a trip to Santa Fe to spend a week with all my kids and grandkids and other friends in the area, plus my brother who decided to join me/us at the last minute. We celebrated the first grandchild going off to college, another entering her senior year of high school, one starting high school, and even one beginning kindergarten. We celebrated birthdays of one daughter in law and one son in law. We enjoyed a cookout at my son’s home. I stayed with a 40-year girlfriend who is recovering from foot surgery. I cooked, and browsed and bought, as well as did some sightseeing and just walking in the countryside. It was a full week.

Things I Can’t Ignore Completely

But I returned to follow-up medical appointments. Appointments that started with all good intentions but for which the side effects presented some anxiety. Aside from the normal ophthalmologist (addressing dry eye conditions) and dentist (periodontist recommended), there was a hearing test (no hearing aids for me for a few years at least!), plus the regular annual well-baby checkup with the regular nurse practitioner. More on that last one in a minute.

There was also follow-up with a functional medicine, who I started seeing because I felt that I needed a more holistic approach to dealing with my aches and pains. I didn’t feel like I got real answers from the arrogant endocrinologist about my thyroid biopsy last fall. I wasn’t willing to chalk my increasing lack of energy and motivation to “normal for my age.” I thought that the several things going on must be connected somehow, and I wanted to explore that. So I stepped outside the traditional medical/insurance driven model of health care to go the functional medicine route.

Sure enough, the blood work gave a deeper look at some issues that most certainly were related – not just weight or standard metabolic panel numbers, but thyroid, menopausal effects on hormones, inflammation, and insulin resistance. To name a few. I started some different supplements and also “menopausal therapy,” also known as hormone replacement therapy (HRT). All of which required not just a doctor’s recommendation, but my own research.

And then my Fitbit started notifying me of some high heart rates and irregular heart rhythms. I stopped the supplements and didn’t start anything new (I was gradually adding in Rx for hormones). But I erred along the way, and so things reached a different imbalance issue. Back to the regular/traditional clinic since heart issues aren’t within the scope of the functional medicine arena. It turns out the nurse practitioner didn’t agree with the functional medicine doctor, so I had to choose a path for part of my new care routine. I chose functional medicine and HRT.

But I also agreed (happily) to a referral to a cardiologist. Just to rule out issues here. It seems that “health” care these days is really a process of elimination. An electrocardiogram (two, in fact). Wearing a heart monitor. An echocardiogram coming up. A different endocrinologist. A pulmonologist for a sleep study to rule out (or in, as the case may be) sleep apnea.

Sick v. Well Health Care Systems

As you might guess, all of this scheduling is quite the merry-go-ride. Or is it better called a Tilt-A-Whirl? Because some things have to be pre-approved by insurance. Some appointments can’t be scheduled for MONTHS. The cardiologist was retiring four days after I saw him. The paperwork ordering some of the appointments got “lost” between the insurance and the lab. Staff had a family emergency and couldn’t slap on a monitor.

And so my anxiety seems to be getting in my way of just trying to go with the flow. After all, if something was really wrong with my heart, someone would surely shepherd me along and coordinate all these appointments STAT! Right?!? I have two appointments each week for the next three weeks…and this all started back in July, and then ramped up August 14. Today is September 13.

But Wait! A Real Vacation Coming Up

As it happens, I am going on a dream vacation to Machu Picchu, Peru, on October 16. Machu Picchu is high altitude country. It sits at an elevation of around 11,000 feet above sea level, with a stop in Cusco, elevation 12,000+ feet. Can you guess the “altitude sickness” probability? I won’t be hiking up the Inca Trail, but I will be doing a lot of walking and some climbing up steps and boulders, schlepping luggage, and breathing thin air. With maybe a compromised heart?? The cardiologist told me that if I am walking 3-5 miles at a time, twice a week (which I am), then my heart is not a problem. I guess we’ll see about that. I hope he’s right.

But it all makes a girl wonder. This girl, at least. It was one year ago on August 29 that all this drama started, with a bad early diagnosis of a mass in my neck that took 3 months to decide was a benign growth on my thyroid, to 6 months of Limbo Land when absolutely nothing happened (except eye doctor and dentists telling me my body is decaying – or least showing signs of growing older), to flooding my body with new pills and patches and creams, to a FitBit buzzing on my wrist letting me know my heart rate was spiking, to daily blood pressure readings while waiting for more doctor appointments, to waiting for more tests, to still not knowing much more than I did a year ago.

I Don’t Know That It’s All Bad. In fact….

The good news is I haven’t had to pack my life into boxes and move and unpack. More good news is that walking/hiking twice a week for the past year has improved my stamina, lowered my heart rate, and lubricated my hips, knees and ankles. Also good news is that I was able to go on my other dream trip to Budapest/Vienna/Prague last Thanksgiving without incident, and I have this upcoming dream trip to Peru (yeah, nothing quite like medical issues to get one to dust off the Bucket List and spend the kids’ inheritance). And although it’s a false sense of security, really good news is that I don’t have bad symptoms, like continued fainting spells, falling down, difficulty breathing, or memory loss. AND, what insurance doesn’t cover (like some of this care, some Rx, and all the supplements, and deductibles and co-pays), I have enough money right now to afford these things. I have been abundantly blessed in this life, and it helps to be a little bit smart and bossy!

All in all, I’m grateful I’m not dealing with jumpstarting my life in a new home. I’m grateful it’s not a cancer or diabetes or another truly scary condition that will take a longer time to learn about and manage. I’m grateful my friends and siblings are checking up on me, some daily. I’m grateful the dogs are sensitive to my moods and also that they are housetrained. And I’m grateful that autumn, my favorite season, is headed our way. If I absolutely have to do some R&R, how better than in front of the fireplace with dogs all around me, watching my favorite movies or reading good books?

Until then, I’m not waiting around for doctors (or their staffs) to call me. I’m continuing my walks/hikes, I’m enjoying time with friends, and I’m planning trips. Did I mention Portugal next summer??? Be the lookout for a recap of the Peru adventure in a few months!