“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. … You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.” Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet.
It’s another beautiful day in Los Angeles today, where I’m staying with my daughter and her family. Of course, almost all days in LA are beautiful, to a visitor. Flowers are in bloom, grass and shrubbery are green, the wind is almost non-existent, the sun is bright and warm. I had similar thoughts in Ventura when I was at my son’s. I went to the beach, downtown, exploring the city. But I’ll guess there are plenty of people who don’t see it quite that way, at least not every day.
For example, I was reminded early this morning what it’s like to be a mother of young children. When I got out of bed at 7:30, my daughter had made breakfast for her girls and done the dishes, gotten dressed, put a load of laundry in the washer, and was on her way out the door to take one to school. Last week I was on Grandma duty, getting a 3 year old ready and taking him to preschool, playing basketball later, fixing dinner, giving a bath. Luckily, I had a list of get-ready tasks! It’s a challenge to stay mindful when there is so much to be responsible for and the clock keeps ticking away.
The memories of my days getting three kiddos ready for school (and/or daycare), making lunches, and taking off to my own job came back to me in a hurry. I don’t suppose I gave it a lot of deep thought then. I just did what I had to do. Sometimes I was relieved just to get to the office so I could stop being on hyper-alert and calm myself down. Evenings were much the same. Drive home in traffic, pick up kids, make supper, do dishes, check homework, tidy up, makes notes for the next day, and fall into bed. I know for certain that I never thought it wasn’t worth it, even when they were teenagers!
I kept that routine up in one fashion or another, with and without husband help, with stepchildren, and with puppies that needed potty-training, and through moving and jobs and school and grief, until I started this sabbatical. It’s amazing that one can go on semi-auto pilot for nearly 40 (!) years and not realize the full toll. It’s fortunate we get the installment plan, for I don’t think I could have or would have made the same choices I made then if I knew then what I know now. That lifestyle served me then and I became who I am because of it. I am ever so grateful now to be who I am today, with an appreciation for the past AND for the present AND for the future yet to be. My sabbatical has given me the space for this.
I am grateful for daughters and sons who now are showing me other ways of parenting and just being in relationship with their siblings and spouses and friends. And I am also grateful that I can show them, and my grandchildren, that life goes on and we keep getting to make choices and change our minds. As Gibran also said, “You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.” My arrows have gone swift and far. But my work is not done. I must remember that I am also an arrow of my own parents’ bows. I am still fulfilling Life’s longing for itself through me. My soul also dwells in the house of tomorrow.
It’s good to be reminded and to remember.
There’s nothing like children (or grandchildren in my case) to help one keep things simple and stay focused on the present moment. I’m reminded that this is what’s important – life. Period. It’s about being happy, not seeing how much we can get done in a day. I took Nikos to preschool today, and then found the local Starbucks. I realized I was enjoying my coffee much more in the sunshine here in Ventura, with nothing else to do, than if I were at home and had a list of things on my desk waiting for me.
I am excited to host my first focus group this afternoon. I have invited several of my neighbors, all of whom are now retired, in to give me some advice, identify local resources, and help hold me accountable for going “official” and starting a business. I want to combine my grief experience and my work history, along with the personal sabbatical, to help others who are facing challenges in their lives. Significant, difficult or emotional life events have implications at home and at work, and in how we deal with the rest of the world. I want people to be able to do more than just survive their contact with whatever enemy they are facing; wouldn’t it be great to know – really know in your heart – that will be okay, that you may even thrive as you get stronger again.
in front of the computer or the TV all day. I understand now what you must have gone through, now that I’m home all day (well, most of the day, most of the time). You were always so patient with me, telling me the trivia of your day, and asking about mine. I took for granted the lawn being mowed or the dogs being cared for or the trash being out at the curb for pickup because you never made a big deal out of that.
pity party because no one knows how I feel, I remember that you knew. You carried the load much of the time, even when I didn’t realize it or appreciate it. You give me strength now, too. I am so damn lucky to have you in my life. I wanted you to know that. I still love you, but I think I love you better now.
I watched complete movies and read entire books instead of just pages. I continued the updates in the house, and Peggy fixed the hole in the wall. She came here, and I went to her house also. In August I was ready for a vacation, and rode my motorcycle again. I noted I was feeling more like me again. It was now I started thinking about writing a book on the grieving experience. But for some reason I also started worrying about money, and I thought about moving. September I met with a realtor about selling the house, but had out of state work trips to Minnesota and Seattle, and made a side trip to Los Angeles, so no time to decide.
inishing this post will make No. 7. One of the items was to check my access to the John Maxwell Team resources, since I haven’t been on that site in a v-e-r-y long time, and I am interested in starting up another study session of the 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership. I not only was able to sign in immediately, but I then listened to two archived calls, one by Malissa West and one by
Paul Martinelli, for nearly 2 hours of webinar time. I also did a bit of research on local professional photographers for a head shot session and responded to several emails related to the NSA Speaker Academy course I am enrolled in. I’ve spent less than a half hour on Facebook and that was only to check out the John Maxwell Group’s site.
Staying social was one of my other rules, and I haven’t broken that one. I know how important it is to be connected and feel like I belong. Funny thing about that – twice in the past two days, I have gone somewhere and ran into people I know. One was my neighbor when I went to a coffee date, and another was a fellow Toastmaster when I went to dinner last night. There’s nothing like being recognized outside of the usual context of where we know people from. It’s one thing to have a planned meeting; it’s another when getting dressed and going out results in not just a casual hello but a conversation. So it seems like another good reason to get out of pajamas – you never know when you’ll want to step out or be invited to coffee.
Solowingnow 