Category Archives: Uncategorized

Summer days

01 Thursday Sep 2016

Posted by in Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

It’s hard to believe summer is almost gone – at least on the calendar. It’s plenty warm and humid where I am in Virginia. Trees are still showing off green leaves and flowers are in bloom, but grass is stressing out from the heat and getting a bit brown. I’m not a huge fan of paying for watering, and besides, my sprinkler system doesn’t work well in places.  So I enjoy the view from my air conditioned house – because I don’t mind paying for that comfort!

A typical summer used to include plenty of motorcycle and camping trips when I had a hubby to do things with. We managed to get in a few trips to Water Country and Busch Gardens also.  This year I haven’t had my motorcycle out at all except in March to get the required inspection sticker updated. I had the camper out once also. Haven’t been to WC or BG at all. It’s just been too darn hot. I’m hopeful that the fall will bring temperature relief and I can still get out some.

It’s not that I don’t get out at all, though. I went to California in April, have been to Minnesota twice already (graduation and funeral), to Pittsburgh (conference), and Washington DC (work twice plus another convention), and Florida (work).  But that’s not quite the same as “summer recess” and the freedom of the open road.

It’s easy to find excuses for staying indoors, like the heat and humidity outdoors.  Or being tired because the heat and humidity wears me out. Thankfully, I can borrow Christine’s 9-year old daughter Malori when I want to go swimming, and when my niece Amanda visited I got to the Williamsburg Winery and drove around sightseeing a little.

I worry that I am wasting my precious time, and yet I know that whatever I am doing, even it’s taking naps or letting my mind wander, it is important for me to be doing that in that moment. I need to remember that restoring my energy is a long process, just like depleting it took decades of hustling to work and raising kids and going to school.  I also need to remember that Kevin gave me this gift of a year for R&R and to figure out The Next Big Thing.  I don’t need to rush it, even if I have a path I’m already working on. Just being Me is a tall order!

So I’m not going to fret over the summer days getting shorter. I am going to look forward to the cooler days of the fall, knowing that I can still ride or camp or nap then if I want to. And now I’m going to go put my feet up for a while.

Funeral poem for Delores

22 Monday Aug 2016

Posted by in Grief, Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

On Saturday, August 13, I attended the memorial service for my stepmom, Delores. The best part, read by the minister at the cemetery after the church service, was this poem. If I had known of it before, I would have used it for Kevin’s service, because it fit his passing to a tee.

I’m Free – Unknown

This poem is attributed to various authors and is apparently known by several different titles also.

Don’t grieve for me, for now I’m free,
I’m following the path God laid for me.
I took his hand when I heard his call,
I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day,
To laugh, to love, to work, to play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way,
I’ve found that peace at the close of the day.

If my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,
Ah yes, these things I too will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow,
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My Life’s been full, I savored much,
Good friends, good times, a loved one’s touch,

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief,
Don’t lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me,
God wanted me now, He set me free.

Dogs are a girl’s best friend

21 Thursday Jul 2016

Posted by in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

My cousin Mary Jo just let her Lucy go over the Rainbow Bridge.  Another friend Shawna saw her dog take the same trip.  And yet another just found out his dog, whose health has been precarious, is in steady decline and has developed a strong heart murmur.  It’s so sad to hear all of this, partly (or maybe especially) because I have two of these furry loves, and one has been closer to this path at times than I want to think about.

We got Buddy when my youngest son Gabriel went off to college.  It was several months later, and I apparently had a strong need to nurture that Kevin thought would best be filled by a puppy. It was truly love at first sight, and 12 years later, there is still a special connection between me and my Bud.

Baby Buddy
Buddy after surgery
Baby Bo
Bo and Buddy
With Daddy
We’ll miss Buddy!
Bo likes the stairs
Bo-Bo
The Budster

We got Buddy a brother two years later because he was exhausting us, and we thought a playmate would help him release his energy.  It turns out that beagles never lose their energy, no matter what!!  While Buddy has required a few thousand dollars in medical care and medications, Bo is the poster-pup for the perfect beagle.  Maybe it’s because Buddy really has needed me that I am so very fond of him.  And yes, Bo has his special moments, too. Bo is the cuddler in bed, the one who sticks his head under my hand to get me to scratch his head, and the one who naps right next to my leg. Buddy is the dog at my feet while I’m working, the one standing guard when I go to the bathroom, and the one who can’t help himself but get underfoot when I’m cooking in case I accidentally-on-purpose drop something to nibble on.

I’ve thought I was close to The Big Decision for Buddy a few times since Kevin died. Once when he was a puppy we did almost lose him to a reaction to a vaccination where he spent the night in the Vet’s ER trying to get a 105 temp to break.  So I know what being “this close” looks like.

It’s a hassle sometimes to have to make doggie-care arrangements when I go out of town for work.  And of course, there is a financial cost to that, too.  There’s the other money required also – for food, treats, vet bills, Rx, shots, tags, and and and. But when I walk in the door and they are so happy to see me they almost pee themselves, it’s all worth it. Every time, every dime.

I knew when I got them I could expect to have them with me somewhere around 12-15 years.  Every time I hear of someone else’s furry child leaving this Earth, I do a little grieving for my dogs who are still here with me, hoping they are not on borrowed time yet.  I hurt for you and for me.  And I love mine a little more, giving extra treats today, and extra petting. Grief is still grief, no matter who or what you lost.

Feel free to share a picture of your furry kids. I’d love to see them.  I’ll even show them to Buddy and Bo.

Dragonflies

27 Monday Jun 2016

Posted by in Traditions, Transformation, Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

There is a story about a woman grieving the death of her daughter, or maybe it’s the other way around. Anyway, the one asks for a sign that the other is okay in heaven, and her yard is suddenly filled with dragonflies – which the other one had loved. It was the sign.

This story (or a version of it) was told at the funeral of my mom Elsie in 2002. At the church, it was just a nice story. Until we got home later that day.  My brother pulled open the drapes to let in some sunlight, and there near the window, behind the drapes, was a dragonfly wind chime my mother must have put there. (Sidebar: my mom didn’t really like wind chimes; she thought they were noisy.) This discovery caused all of us to pause for a bit, each of us remembering the story told at the funeral.

Since then, dragonflies have become a “thing” in our family.  At last count, I had about 58 of them in or around my house, depending on whether you counted a string of lights as one or as 10, and decorated flip-flops at 2 or 20 (I did not count in 10’s and 20’s.). Since then, most birthday gifts and often the Christmas gifts have some dragonfly motif on them – for everyone in the family.

I recently came across an article about the symbolism of the dragonfly.  In almost every part of the world, it symbolizes change, the kind of change that is about the deeper meaning of life. Dragonflies also represent power and poise, because it is so agile and can move in all six directions (up, down, forward, backward, and side to side). A dragonfly can fly faster than my old Schwinn scooter could run (45 mph v. 30 mph).  And a dragonfly represents simplicity because it is so effective and efficient in how much power it uses (compared to other insects) to what it does – and with graceful movements at that.

Because of their short lifespan (only a few months), it seems to me they really excel at living in the moment, moving away from and toward their desires with 360* insight. Ah, the wonderful, beautiful dragonfly.

I thought of it more than usual today because I have been working on some tedious details of the new business, but when I went out to get the mail, I had an escort of dragonflies. They t20160627_170628old me to slow down, to remember the dance, to smell the flowers. They will take care of moving in six directions at once; all I have to do is watch them.

It’s satisfying – it’s calming -it’s …. it’s important and it makes me feel good to be welcomed by my dragonflies wherever I go. And to have my kids or grandchildren or nieces or other family stay connected to me and each other through our dragonflies. Once in while, we all get the same gift with the dragonfly on it, but sometimes they are all different, as we are different, too. It’s a game to find one the others don’t have, or that they would love. We, too, beyond the surface and look deeper into our relationships and other aspects of our lives. The amazing dragonfly, whose gifts come with age and maturity, keeps us mindful to live without regrets.

What do you share with  your family that keeps you connected, even when things change? What have you kept over the years, to remind you of your connections? Do you keep them out where people can admire them, or are they tucked away for your eyes only?

The Break-in

23 Thursday Jun 2016

Posted by in Transformation, Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

I was headed out to have lunch with a friend, my arms holding a purse, a bag of her things I was returning to her, and some library books that needed to be returned. The car was in the driveway, where it had been parked overnight. I opened the front passenger door and immediately saw some candy on the front seat. It was mine, and it had been in the center console. Which had been closed but was now open. I looked over to the driver side and noticed that my Owner’s Manual to the car, which had also been in the console, was out on the seat. Needless to say, I was late to lunch. I wasn’t exactly rattled, and I wasn’t even scared.  I was pi**ed off, and mad at myself because I figured it was maybe my own fault. Luckily, no damage to the car, but there was still a trespass if not a full break-in. .

The first question the officer asked me was if my car had been locked. I didn’t know. I usually lock it, but I have the kind of key fob that opens the door automatically when you are near it, and I just don’t recall if I heard the beep or not. It’s possible the car was unlocked.  What was missing?  My iPhone 5 that I only use because it has my music on it, and its charging cord. I have a new Samsung phone now that was in the house with me. The charging cord for that was in the car but it was not taken. I had a Tom Tom GPS in the car, and it wasn’t taken. CDs, still there.  A few dollars in change, still there.  Coats, umbrellas, blankets, maps, still there.

This has never happened to me before – a break-in, or theft. It turned out that about 20 homes in the area reported thefts from vehicles that same day. Including the people directly across the street from me. He had locked his truck, and left his wallet and several other things in his cab. They only took the gear from the back end under his locked topper. Which was later found in the trees a half block away. Someone else’s Tom Tom was found – I guess that’s why they didn’t need mine!  My phone is still missing.

Anyway, I felt better that I wasn’t singled out or targeted for this. Still, the first person I wanted to call was Kevin. He couldn’t have prevented it, he couldn’t have fixed it, he couldn’t have done anything…but he would have listened to me blow off steam. I miss that. And I know it’s one way I have of maintaining my balance, so I did had to tell someone. Luckily I had that lunch date set up, so Debra was my relief valve.

This incident reminded me, too, of other times I had to fly solo, even when I was married. I had a car accident once in New Mexico, and I was by myself. I fell out of the garage attic once in South Dakota (the ladder fell, leaving me no choice), and I was by myself.  I tripped on the deck stairs here and landed on my arse, and I was by myself. After I got off the phone with the police, I remembered these other times and that I had handled them by myself and adequately if not well. It made me feel  competent, even if I had forgotten to lock the car. (Oddly, not much has happened when I haven’t been married…so I guess that’s something to think about!)

When I think about living alone these days, I haven’t been scared or felt vulnerable or insecure, even when traveling by myself.  In fact, I feel strong, smart, and capable.  Yet, since I don’t have Kevin to protect me or beat up my tormentors for me, I had recently taken a self-defense course. I just wish I had seen or heard my thief so I could have had a chance to try out a few of my new moves while they were still fresh on my mind. I’m pretty sure I could have made him/her wish they had not chosen me to mess with. “Not here, not now, not you.” Kick, jab, shove, run.  But for all that bravado, I really hope I never have to use those skills. And now you can hear every car up and down the street beep-beeping as they get locked when we turn in.

If you find an iPhone with a pink and teal rubber protector case, it’s mine. I’d like it back. I just downloaded the new Blake Shelton CD….

 

On the road again

01 Wednesday Jun 2016

Posted by in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

It is high school graduation time, so I’m heading to Minnesota to celebrate with a goddaughter and a godson.  I stopped to see Kevin’s mom on the way and had a great visit. I’ll be seeing my siblings soon and am anticipating that our annual birthday bash will live up our expectations (tattoos on the agenda this time).

 

It’s a long drive from Virginia, as in DAYS long. But I’m glad I drove, especially this time of year. Except for the occasional dark skies and thunderstorms.  I love the green fields, the farmsteads, the cows, the tractors. It’s all so peaceful looking, so wholesome, so natural. And the vistas are wonderful – you can see for miles. One frustration I’ve had in Virginia is that all the trees mean you can’t see much. It’s not exactly claustrophobic, but it doesn’t inspire me to breathe deeply and relax the way the wide open spaces do.

Another great thing about a road trip is the time to empty out the brain and let the mind wander…while paying attention to the driving, of course. At home, I  rarely take long stretches of time to not think, or to daydream about what I’m seeing – to put on my Observer hat. No judgments, just seeing what there is to see. It’s really quite freeing to see without analyzing or labeling or judging.

The closer I get to “home,” the better I feel. I miss my furry boys and kind of wish I had brought them. But it’s better for them to stay with the house sitter. Less stress for all of us. I see the Craftsman and farm style houses and wish I had one, with gleaming wood floors, built-in cabinets, and warm fuzzy feelings all around. I definitely like my current house a lot, don’t get me wrong. Maybe it’s just the nostalgia or homesickness talking; give me one winter up north and I would maybe change my thoughts quickly! And, to0,  I suppose after several days of 24/7 sibling time, I’ll be ready to get back to my own place.

It’s been interesting to drive through places Kevin and I have been. I caught myself talking to him in the car, saying things like, “Remember when we went there and had those Maid-Rites that you bragged about and I didn’t like?” Or, “Remember when we were almost in that tornado and I was freaking out? This rain reminds me of that.”  I am sure when I eat some good walleye I’ll tell  him about that, too;  it was one of our favorite meals.

We used to do a lot of road tripping – to Saskatoon, Canada; to Maine for lobster and to see the fall colors; to Arkansas to ride motorcycles; to Florida to see family; and countless trips to Minnesota and Iowa from South Dakota. I have also driven solo to New Mexico and Colorado a few times, plus the moving trip to Virginia. It never gets old to see the country – and off of the Interstates.  I’m happy that my GyPSy gives me an “alternate route” option so I can slow the pace down some.

I can remember and say those things without crying now.  I am healing.

PS-here’s a shot of Ida, the ice cream clerk in a small town I stopped at in Indiana. She was so Midwestern Nice: helpful, offering different cone and cup styles, and checking to see which scoop I wanted on the bottom: the dark cherry or the vanilla.  She acted like I had known her forever. Ida

Planes, trains and automobiles

15 Sunday May 2016

Posted by in Gratitude, Uncategorized

≈ 3 Comments

What is it about trains?? I love them. It’s Sunday morning, and I’m traveling to D.C. area for work. Let me count the ways.

  1. As long as you are at the train station before the train leaves, you are on time. No getting there an hour early to check in.
  2. You can buy your ticket on Friday to leave on Sunday, or even Sunday morning, and the price is the same as if you bought it a few weeks earlier.
  3. You can take your cup of coffee or unfinished bottle of water with you on the train.
  4. You can take ALL your stuff with you. As long as you can lift your bag(s). No other weight limits, or size limits, or allowances for how many personal items.
  5. You can buy coffee, cookies, donuts, bagels, pizza, burgers, hot dogs, and a menu of other items if you want, on board.
  6. There are only two seats on either side of the aisle. This means you have adequate room in the seat, plus the aisles are wide enough to walk through facing forward.
  7. No seat belt demonstrations. In fact, no seat belts.
  8. Leg room! There is probably a foot of space yet between my knee and the seat back in front of me.
  9. I can get up any time I want and walk around, even between cars.
  10. The windows are large enough to look out of and get a panoramic view. And no one else can shut you off from the view by pulling the shade down.
  11. 230 people don’t stand up at the same time to get off the train.
  12. There are no zones or special red carpets for boarding. First come, first served.
  13. You are trusted. The ticket guy doesn’t come around until you are already on your way, instead of making you juggle things at the door to get on.
  14. You can throw away your trash when you want.
  15. If you buy something to drink, you get the whole can.
  16. If you decide to change seats, you move. Or you can keep your seat and go sit in the club car to eat or read or talk to others or play a game of cards at a table, or just to move around because you feel like it.
  17. You get to see the real country: the back sides of stores and houses, the part of towns you would miss from the highway or the sky.
  18. You can turn around in the restroom, with space to spare.
  19. No turbulence. Just gentle swaying.
  20. Free wi-fi.
  21. I don’t have to drive. Or park.

I love traveling by train. Do you?

5 things to know about starting your own business.

25 Monday Apr 2016

Posted by in New Biz, Sabbatical, Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

My new business is taking off, at least in the way of necessary start-up paperwork, like getting the LLC set up, tax ID, bank account, business cards, domain names, etc. I have spent nearly two full days taking care of the details, and I feel like I’m not spending much time at all where I would prefer to.  Which is why I planned this sabbatical – to learn to slow down, to spend time lost in thought, and to smell the roses.  Trying to not get overwhelmed, which seems too easy for me to do these days.  I used to be such a trooper, a regular Wonder Woman when it came to getting things done. People would describe me as energetic, tenacious, driven, spunky, and exuberant.  Now I’d prefer to be called  balanced, calm, patient, aligned, and happy.  I don’t suppose these are opposite ends of the spectrum, but I’d like for the swinging of the pendulum to be more rhythmic than bouncing.

Here is a list of 5 things I’m reminded of lately relating to this endeavor.

1. Done is better than perfect.

I keep hearing this, from different people, so it must have some kernel of  truth in it.  However, there is a corollary to this, one I learned in Miss Heery’s 10th grade typing class: There is never enough time to do it right, but there’s always enough time to do it over.  It seems to me that taking time now to put the big picture in perspective will save precious time down the road, so I won’t rush through things.

2. You don’t have to know it all, you just have to know where to find it (or who to call).

Okay, but I need to understand what I’m signing and why I’m making the decisions I am.  I am not interested in becoming a marketing guru, for example, but I need to understand the proposed strategy so that I can support it -or at least not get in the way.  There are also things I could do but just don’t want to, so I’d rather pay for those services.  Examples are preparing and filing the LLC and EIN paperwork, and getting other legal documents done right. And bookkeeping. Not that I have any dollars to manage right now, but I sure do want expert tax advice when the dough starts rolling in. Enter an accountant.

3.  There is no substitute for experience. Except preparation.

I am reading, learning, researching, conferring with, and getting myself ready.  I can learn from other people’s mistakes and give myself some early wins.  Lots and lots of preparation going on here, to give my experience some shine.

4.  Don’t get too good at something you don’t want to do.

Way back in the day, I was a legal secretary and paralegal. I since climbed that old ladder of success all the way to the top, before I got on another ladder. Now I’m on my third ladder, which is just a little bit wobbly yet. Today I had my first inquiry from a random person on Linked In, asking me about doing some temp work for a few weeks. Interesting! As a legal secretary.  It was good work back then, but not only am I not available, I’m not interested now.  I have to practice saying No.  I have to keep myself available for the work I do want to do.

5.  There are more than five things to know about starting your own business!

But they don’t all have to be known, or done, at once.  The advice I’m getting is: start simple, get complicated later.  A related axiom: You can have it all;  you just can’t have it all at once.  This is where good organizational and time management skills come into serious play.  I’m so glad I returned to my Day-Timer planner system.  Not only can I read everything because it’s on 5×8 paper instead of a 2×4 screen, but I can keep reminders and notes and stickies and flip back and forth to compare dates or … blah-blah-blah.

The energy created by working on this, something will be not just mine but reflective of me, is giving me quite a buzz.  Time flies by, and I’m not tired even when the clock approaches that witching hour.  I get up when the birds start singing and rarely does that seem too early.  It proves that I have done a fine job on this sabbatical of recovering from my exhaustion and restoring my energy. It also goes to show that engaging in a  labor of love generates much more satisfaction than fighting disharmony. The only thing that would make it even better right now is to have someone to share this with, someone I could bounce ideas around with, someone to give me insights, to smile and tell me I’m on the right path and that it will all be okay, and mostly, that he’s got my back.  That would make a huge difference.  And so I’ve named my new business The Duggan Difference.

Bus card

Front and back of new business card

A Friend’s Loss

07 Thursday Apr 2016

Posted by in Grief, Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Today was the funeral for the father of a very good friend of mine.  He fell last week, and there was a quick decline in his condition; he died the next day.  All the planning that goes along with such an event, notifying family and waiting for them to arrive, making decisions, not sleeping, lots of crying…it is all so familiar to me still.  Yet, I do not know what to say to her.  My own father died a little over two years ago, and of course my husband 16 months ago.  You’d think I’d be able to come up with something besides “I’m sorry.”  I offered prayers, asked about how her Mom was doing, and said “I know it’s hard.”  It feels so inadequate.  And I couldn’t be there either; she’s (or I am) a thousand miles away. After everyone goes home, though, that’s when she’ll need to talk about it, I think. I’m planning a trip up her way in June, so will make it a definite stop on the way.

We’re at that age when we are losing parents now.  Or that’s what we expect to happen.  Grandparents leave us first, followed by  aunts and uncles and our own parents, then maybe a friend here or there and older cousins.  We say that if we’re lucky, then we go next, before the spouse, before the kids, and definitely before any grandbabies. And it’s all very sad and numbing in the moment.  But I know people who have suffered the loss of a toddler, or a son whose time was up way too soon, or like me, a spouse in his prime.  It never gets easier, never gets routine, never seems like the right thing. Death seems to raise more questions than it answers. Most of them start with Why?

Yet, we all know that the natural order is birth, life, death.  It can be no other way. There is no guarantee of how long we have, whether our time here will be rags or riches, if we’ll have a legacy to leave behind or not.  So we wonder what the point of it all is.  And try to make sense any way we can, so we can go on until the next time.

Having wandered through this territory recently, I hoped I would have something profound and meaningful to say to my friend…and to others who are still hurting years after their losses.  There are no magic words, though. There is no spoonful of sugar that can make this medicine taste better.  There is no one book that gives directions on how to get through this time quickly or painlessly, or “right.”

The amazing thing about grief is how differently it is experienced by everyone. My father was not her father, and our relationships with those men were different, and we are different, and the rest of our families are made up differently, and on and on and on. But we are two women who both have lost our fathers.  I only met hers maybe once or twice in all the years she and I have known each other. I’m still sad because I know the uncertainty that accompanies us as we wander in the “lost” zone, being in limbo, waiting for it all to be over…which it never really is. We learn to adjust.  And as we start tinkering with the various aspects of what needs adjusting and how we go about that, we reflect on the past and guess at the future; stay connected if we can and at the same time find new connections; discover new options and decide on new directions; all adapting as make it from one hour to the next, one day to the next, one whatever to the next whatever.

My condolences go to the Schmitt and Reller families.  I’ll be remembering all of you in my prayers.

Focus Group/advisors

24 Thursday Mar 2016

Posted by in Grief, Sabbatical, Transformation, Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

File_001 (6) I am excited to host my first focus group this afternoon.  I have invited several of my neighbors, all of whom are now retired, in to give me some advice, identify local resources, and help hold me accountable for going “official” and starting a business.  I want to combine my grief experience and my work history, along with the personal sabbatical, to help others who are facing challenges in their lives.  Significant, difficult or emotional life events have implications at home and at work, and in how we deal with the rest of the world.  I want people to be able to do more than just survive their contact with whatever enemy they are facing; wouldn’t it be great to know – really know in your heart – that will be okay, that you may even thrive as you get stronger again.

The world of work often talks about Succession Planning. In fact, I have researched it and been published and spoken at conferences about this subject.  What isn’t talked about is how we prepare for succeeding with both our personal and professional lives when we are dealt a significant life event, how as supervisors or employers we manage an employee who is going through a significant life event, what kind of contingency plans are helpful, and how we keep on keeping on in the midst of it all.  And for the record, death isn’t the only significant life event we encounter: a baby can be born prematurely, a car accident disables someone, a cancer diagnosis, a fall down the steps, a child’s experimentation with drugs, a financial setback…and many other things not as “big” but still significant grievable events that can (and do)  alter the landscape.

Many people like to refer to Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ work on the 5 Stages of Grief when we are dealing with grief.  Those are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. What isn’t as well known is that her work was intended to address the stages of dying, not death.  Subsequent research has offered a better explanation of the many stages of grieving any major event.I found this from the East Kootenay Lutheran Parish in Canada.  It was my experience, and much more helpful to me when I was freaking out about what would come next.

File_000 (10)

Now I want to share this with other people, and also to figure out what this means on the employment front. How we can use this to really help organizations understand the absurdity of a 3-day bereavement leave, how to deal with work that needs to be done by employees on this grief journey.  Because, believe me, grief changes a person.  The employee you saw yesterday is not the same one you’ll see tomorrow.  Nor will the husband or best friend or neighbor or aunt be unchanged by this experience.  As a society, we seem to stop talking about this out loud after the funeral…and even then, it’s in hushed tones.  I’d like to help people get okay with death, to not see it as a failure, to get comfortable with grief, and open up discussions about our spiritual paradigms. Let’s find a way to acknowledge the grief journey.